Waiting...

Only two days until NaNo.

O_O

I'm starting to get the heeby-jeebies. As much as I've tried, my Inner Editor keeps screaming questions at me, and the closer we get to starting this thing, the louder they become.

Can you really do this? Why are you setting your self up for failure? Nobody else believes you can do it, so why are you?


Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. {Damn, now I want to watch The King and I} 


I know I can do this. I need to do this. But all of these doubts keep wearing me down, like the constant waves on a rock, my resolve and confidence are slowly wearing down, and I haven't even started November yet. I'm worried that I won't be able to manage all the things that have come up this next month.

Have you ever noticed that? When you have nothing to do, and want to do anything, nobody is doing anything cool. But when you have a bunch of stuff to do, and don't want to add anything more to your plate, everyone is hassling you for a bit of your time. Starting tomorrow, and through the whole month of November, I have agility training with Simon. November 1st is my brother-in-laws birthday, so we're having a party for that; I have auditions for the Playwrights Festival, AND NaNo starts. I know I don't have to audition, but I really want to. I'm excited to act, even though I'm fairly confident that I won't get a part. But hey, even if I don't, I can...oh. Right. They won't need sound I don't think for these...*Sigh* Well, I guess it will just be one less thing I have to juggle, right? I would love to get a part, but my track record for getting them is slim. I auditioned for Midnight, but didn't get one there either. Although I'm totally ok with that, because I got to work with awesome crew members and get to be the reason why people screamed and jumped, I do miss being on stage. *Shrug*

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, with Christmas following right on it's heels, I guess I'm feeling the stress. This will be the first holidays without Nanny, my grandmother, around. She died in June, and while I've accepted it now, things are still tough and raw, making everybody on edge. Nobody wants to do anything, but nobody wants to do nothing. I guess I'm just in one of those hopeless moods. I feel like I have a bunch of energy, and I want to go out and do something and get plans going in motion, but I can't get things put together so it works smoothly.

I guess this is one of those times that I'm not so good at. Waiting.