Nyah! >.<"

Why. Why did I go?

I know why. [sigh] You probably have no idea what I'm talking about, huh? Well, I went to church this morning. I don't claim to be Christian, or Athiest, or anything. I simply am. I don't know if there is one god or many gods. I do know that there is something else out there, and that there is no way this world we live in was created by chance. But I go to church for my mom. I've been forced to attend church ever since I was little, and I've never really cared for it. I'm not a huge fan of people that call themselves Christians, especially pastoral people. I just hate to watch the same people who worship their god on Sunday, claim to be devout and swear that they are good people, go out in the middle of the week, and curse, beat their kids or spouses, carry on with affairs...You know where I'm going with this. But I go for my mom. She wants us to have the appearance of a normal family, and thinks we should all go, and is somewhat desperate for my brother and I to believe in god. My brother is sixteen. And that's all I have to say.

I'm twenty now, and am typically a people watcher by nature, so I see a lot of what goes on when people think nobody is watching. I'm not claiming to be perfect, or that I do anything right, not by a long shot. What really eats at me is that these people DO. They claim no faults, say they are never angry because good Christians aren't, and then turn right around and scream and swear while steam billows from their ears. In my short life, I've seen and gone through a lot, most of it not very nice. While I'm not going to recite my life story on this little blog, I am going to rant some more.

Today's sermon was about Love. Love is never angry because love is patient. Loving people are never angry, except for righteous anger (which was not defined today). Loving people are not proud. Loving people are modest. Loving people are concerned about everybody else, and what everybody else thinks of them.

Seriously? Re-read that last sentence. I'm not just spewing words here. This is what the pastor actually said. Ok, so going off of those few comments there, I have realized that I am incapable of being loving. Because I don't care one whit about what other people think. Modesty? Goodness. Taking into account what I was wearing today: jeans, boots, a tank top with a sweater, and a coat...How do you get more modest without having a sheet over your head? This pastor said, "Loving Christians are modest. They don't wear things that make the gaze wander to places that should be covered up." Are you kidding? Ok ladies! Get out your sheets! I don't care how modestly dressed a woman is. If she has boobs, and there is a man present, I guarantee you that that guy will move his eyes to her chest at least once. I'm not saying that's a horrible thing. It's natural. And he went on to say that talking about what happens behind closed doors with ones spouse is a bad thing, because it makes the listener feel squeamish, unclean, and embarrassed. Are you kidding me? I understand some people don't like sex, or being sexual, but wasn't sex something that god created? I'm pretty sure I remember being told that sex is a holy thing when done in the confines on a marriage. That's it's the greatest thing god created for us. So if it really is all that...why would it make a fellow "Christian" squeamish? Unless you're talking about S&M and bondage, and all of that stuff. Then I can see that's moving towards the TMI side.

[sigh] I'm just sick and tired of hearing all of these contradictions, and watching all of these hypocritical people. For once, I would like to hear a pastor be real.