Lame

December 22 – Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
This question can be answered with four simple words. I didn't travel anywhere.

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing?
Sang out with all my heart during the My Fair Lady auditions. I had no idea how to sing the song, I was picked on to go first, and I was terrified. I should have just sang out anyway, making up the tune, but I was too scared and worried about what people would think of me. I came to discover that theater people are amazing individuals that are just as quick to laugh at themselves than at you.




December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?
Don't lose your temper, keep joy in your heart always, and know that there are plenty of people that love you, even if they don't show it. Stay strong, but not so strong that no one can reach you behind your barriers. Allow yourself to be taken care of for once, goodness knows you do enough care taking of others, it's not a weakness to be vulnerable. Trust. Love. Resist the temptation to recede into your shell. Teach Felicity it's ok to be scared, but act out despite of that.

It's almost Christmas!

I thought I would start off by exploding some of my pent up excitement for the coming Holiday. Christmas is my favorite time of year, and while I'm pretty sure it won't snow, it doesn't matter. I love the music, the decorations, the light that seems to follow people around. It's such a glorious time of year, and while I know that some disaster will befall us {because it always does, somebody always manages to throw drama into what should be happy times} I can't stop myself from being excited. It will be hectic, with the drama of trying to share the one holiday with two families already happening... I hate that, but I figure, if they want to be so stubborn that it makes it impossible for us to manage seeing both families, then we will just have to leave them out of our holiday plans. As joyous as I am this season, I still have a limited amount of patience for guilt trips. Now, stopping myself before I get too upset, here is my Reverb for today.






December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
I'm not sure how to address this question either. I don't know if I have ever healed fully from my past wounds, and I don't know if I ever will. Time has taken away the fresh pain, but scars still remain, and every once in a while, they will bleed and hurt. The greatest thing I have found to dull the pain, is Chris, Felicity, and Jacquelynn. Without them, I don't think I'd be able to get myself out of bed in the morning. They know me like no other, and even though Lissy can't talk back quite yet, she still listens and is able to take my mind off of whatever is troubling me. Usually by attempting to tickle me. 

Continuation

December 17 – Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
The best thing I learned about myself? I have learned many things about myself, but I don't know how to classify them, or if any of them are suitable to be labeled as the best. I guess I'd have to say that the best thing I learned about myself this year, is that I am capable of working through stress and the naysayers, and all the other crap that life throws at you. My favorite motto of 2010 is this: "When life hands you lemons, throw them back and ask for chocolate." I don't know where I read it, or who said it, but it's absolutely fantastic.




December 18 – Try What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
Next year, starting January 1st, I'm forcing myself into another November. This is my attempt to finish my book, or at least get very close to completing the first, and very rough, draft. I was so impressed with myself when November was done, but still disappointed that I had not even gone halfway through my book with those 50k words. I thought the thrill of my book would wear off the farther November got, but it hasn't. I'm still in love with my book and find myself wanting to go write more in that world and with my beloved characters. So for 2011, I am going to finish my book, edit it, and {hopefully} get my agent to approve it. :D

Dead Computer

Apologies for lateness, computer crashed again >.<"


December 13 – Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Finish the book, edit it, and send it in to my agent to see if she thinks it's publishable! ^^




December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
I appreciate my daughter. She is my light, and love at its purest. I hope that she never forgets how much Chris and I love her, and I know we try and show it to her everyday. She'll be two in about a month, and I can't imagine my life without her in it. I love the laughter, the giggles, the glares, the hugs and kisses... sometimes I even love the tears. She is such a huge blessing to me, and it made me realize just how precious life is, and losing Nanny this year made me understand that it doesn't last forever, and even the strongest willed people must succumb to death eventually.




December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
The thing I want to remember most about 2010 is my memory of Nanny leaning over the sink in her spot, yelling at the seagulls to leave her crows alone. I love her, and miss her terribly, and I will always think of her whenever I see crows.




December 16 – Friendship How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
There is no denying that I have been given the best friend anyone could ever ask for. She's smart, kind, and hilariously funny. No matter what, I know she will be there for me if I need a figurative shoulder to cry on, and I know she will be there with a tissue and a big stick to whack whoever hurt me. Or, if need be, to whack me. We've been friends for seven years now, and that's incredible. As much as it annoys Chris (even though it is funny) she is my longest relationship, hehe. She changes me for the better, and I know it's a good thing. Although, if I randomly start spouting aussie slang complete with accent... then there might be cause for worry. ^_^ Love you Jacque!!!! <3<3<3

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?


I'm not entirely sure what to think of this one. I am always ME, and most of the time cohesive. There are very few times when my mind and body are separate things. Never physically separated, of course. This seems like a very silly question, Heh. Kind of like suggesting that coconuts migrate...

Day 11

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?


Eleven things I don't need in 2011. Well, the simplest thing would be to make a list, so here goes.

1. I don't need criticism. I don't know how to get rid of them, considering the people who give it to me the most are related to me. Can't really get rid of family, but I guess I can stop taking what they say as personally as I have been. This will change my life because I may actually start to accumulate self confidence and do things that I've been told I would never do.
2. I don't need stress. I can get rid of this by stepping out of situations that others have put me in, like being a peace keeper and a go-between. It's not my job, and even though that's a hard thing for me to admit, it's not healthy for me or my own family. Having less stress in my life will change it because I will have more energy to do things that I want to, and I will have more patience when it comes to training Simon or when Lissy decides to push the boundaries.
3. I don't need more things to do. I have a long enough To-Do list as it is, and while I enjoy most of my activities, I really don't need to take more time away from Chris and Felicity. Having the courage to politely refuse things that would take a great deal of time. This will change things because I'll be able to reconnect with Chris again, and have more time to play with Felicity.
4. I don't need pity parties. While most of the time I'm not prone to having these myself, I will admit to throwing several this past year. Not something I like to admit, but hey, sometimes it helps when your overwhelmed.
5. I don't need drama. Kind of the same thing as stress.
6. I don't need more cleaning! I know it's inevitable, especially when you have children, but c'mon! It seems like I clean, and then I blink and it's dirty again!
7. I don't need more coffee. I enjoy the smell of it, and even though I need the energy, it just plain makes me jumpy!
8. I don't need another scary pregnancy. No, Chris and I are not pregnant. Yet. We are, however, planning on trying to conceive around May. I know it's something we can't completely control, but as scary as my pregnancy was with Felicity at the end, I don't want that to happen again.
9. I don't need more clothes. God knows how many I have, and most of them don't even fit. I keep putting off going through them, because I hate doing laundry, and I know that I will have sooo many loads of clothes to wash in order for the ones I don't want to be good enough to take to the thrift store... It'd be an all week chore, and I'm just not up for that. Heh.
10. I don't need more friends on facebook. There are people I don't even know adding me! With NO mutual friends! Facebook is quickly turning into a myspace, and that's just plain annoying.
11. I don't need more of these lists. I usually love lists, they're organized, and it's great for people from Perfect Country like I am. (If you don't know what I'm talking about when I say Perfect Country, google 'the flag page test')

Tah dah. Day Eleven complete. Now if only I could get some writing in, I'd be set, but alas, I am in a rut and out of energy. I don't think my wrists have completely recovered yet anyway!

Reverb10, Day 10

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?


The wisest decision of the year... I honestly can't think of any wise things I've done. Other than deciding against running people over with my car, or socking them right in the face. I've made several choices, but I don't know how to classify them as wise or not. I've done several things in the theater, made at least one friend, written over 50k words in 27 days, waited three months to get my upgrade for a new phone, stuck out talking with complete air heads in order to get my car fixed, got a puppy this past spring, gotten two kittens from the shelter less than a month ago... stood up in front of a church full of strangers and sang, while signing, Silent Night.
I wouldn't call any of those things wise, but most of them were fun and made me stronger as a person. I really, really, really hate people with pebbles for brains, but it's a fact of life that I have to deal with them. Without smacking them. Same thing that goes for people who's favorite activity is spying, being judgmental, and backstabbing others. As unfortunate as it is, I'm not allowed to smack them either, although I think that their victims would appreciate it... that's gotta count for something, right?
I guess my wisest choice this year was to effectively ignore most everyone.

Reverb 10

So since I have gotten into the habit of stalking my wonderful friend Jenni and shadowing her every move (kinda creepy, ain't it?), I figured she wouldn't be offended by me stealing yet another thing she is doing. That thing, my dear readers, is Reverb 10. I heard of it before, but thought it rather stupid and time consuming. And while I believe I actually have LESS time now, I figure hell, I can write over 50k words in a month, I can do this little project as well.

Every day they give you a prompt and you respond to it based on this past years experiences. I'm going to do it daily from here on out, but since I'm already several days behind, I'm just going to get current with this post first...

.::~~::.
December 1 - One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
My one word... Stress. That may not be the best, or happiest word to choose, but it certainly fits with how 2010 flew by. I'm not going to go into detail, because that would make this little blurb far too long. As for my 2011 word... I would like it to be success. By this time next year, I want to have accomplished something meaningful. Not that I'm discounting everything else I've done this year, but I want that feeling of contentment, of a job well done. And I want to be able to enjoy that feeling, for more than a second before being thrust into my next job.


December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Basically everything. Even taking away the bare nessecities, like breathing and eating and using the restroom... I still have my daughter, my fuzzy children, and all of my household chores. None of those contribute to my writing, and all of them are oh so distracting, even if they are adorable distractions. (Except the chore thing...) During NaNo, I eliminated just about everything I could, and still found myself wanting for time. As unhealthy as it was, I began cutting out my meals, opting for quick snacks instead, because I could type while I ate, and with Felicity deciding only to take hour naps at a time, I needed all of the writing time I could get. I've been told that I can find the time if I look, but honestly, with an only child, who's almost two, who climbs all over you the moment your butt hits that chair or couch, it's difficult to even get a hundred words in. More often than not, my attempts at writing with Felicity awake ended in me having LESS words then before... Funny how the key she likes the best is that damnable delete button...


December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail.
Because I've only had four hours of sleep in the last 48, please forgive me if my memory is fuzzy. The most alive I have felt all year is truly sad... This past June I lost my grandmother, and it was devastating to the whole family. At her funeral, I played a song on the flute, and had planned on doing three rounds of it, since it was such a short song, but I barely made it past the second round because I was shaking so badly. I'm not a crier, I generally don't cry at anything, but that day as I watched them lower my Nanny into the ground, I could feel everything. The wind whipping and pulling at my hair, the blades of grass tickling my ankles, the gentle kiss of the sun as it tried to force it's way past the graying clouds. That night, I continued to have dreams of her, and woke up several times with hot tears streaming down my cheeks and soaking my pillow. Since then, I feel completely at odd's at how I think I should feel. When you loose someone close to you, your supposed to feel sad and empty, even angry. But, while I feel sorrow for my loss... I can't be angry at her for leaving, and I don't feel empty. I'm at peace, and since her funeral, everything has been... vivid. Colors are bright, the sun feels warmer, the crows are beautiful.


December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
A sense of wonder? I'm not sure how you can cultivate, or create, wonder in your life, but the first thing that comes to mind is watching the snow fall. Before Thanksgiving!! I was so blown away and in awe... When We came back from my Aunt's house, I got out of the car and turned around to look at our home, and it was beautiful. The roof was covered in snow, the snow had enveloped our house, and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, until my daughter ran out towards it. That was the most beautiful thing. But that was quickly broken when she slipped and fell face first into the snow, that sorta ruined it. I love winter. I love snow. I think that is my yearly dose of wonderment.


December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I do believe I covered that on Day Three, and I have no wish to cry again, so I will just sort of skip the literal interpretation and move to something else... On top of my grandmother, Chris lost his exactly one month after mine. Nanny passed away June 13, 2010. June, Chris's grandmother, passed away July 13, 2010. That's all I'm saying on that.


December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
Now here is a question I can get excited about. Chris and I stayed up until 2am, just days into December, making our house a Christmas Wonderland. I had bought a stapler and a bunch of construction paper in red, green, and white. We made paper chains, snowflakes, book marks, wall hangings, even a banner. I was so proud at our work, it was amazing. The next day, we took Felicity to Browne's to help us pick out our tree, and while she ended up wanting one of the HUGE ones, we took a small one and brought it home. After decorating it with one of the smaller paper chains, lights, and our ornaments, we hung our stockings, rearranged the furniture, hung lights up outside, and made everything look (and even smell!) like Christmas. The day after that, a great friend of mine came over and we made enough cookies to feed the whole island! Yes. That was fantastic.


December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
The theater. 2010 was filled with theater projects for me, and I found that I love it. I typically don't do large groups of people, since I'm quite happy being a solitary creature, but working together to create these beautiful plays, and watching each different aspect of it just come together and to watch it work so fluidly... It really is an amazing experience, and I hope I have the opportunity to be more active in the theater. Never mind the long hours of rehearsals, it's all worth it :D


December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
This one... I don't quite understand. There is nothing about me that somebody else can't do better. Sorry, I just don't buy into the whole "unique as snowflakes" thing. I'm cynical, solitary, loving, passionate, punctual... I'm a mother, a chef, a baker, a cleaner, a care-giver, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a wife. I can sew, sing, write, play several different musical instruments, fix things, build things, destroy things, garden, paint... While all of these make me who I am, they are also the same things that make thousands, even millions, of people different too. I don't consider myself beautiful, or most times, useful, but that's another blog, for another time.


December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
I don't do parties. Simple as that. Love getting ready to go, and the going, but I quickly realize I hate groups of people and small talking, and pretending everything is just peachy when it isn't, and watching people gossip and bad talk each other behind someones back. I hate the drama that ALWAYS follows in the wake of receiving an invitation, and there is always something. Small and trifle like somebody forgot the chips (which somehow can escalate to the point of having people shouting and in tears...) or huge and disconcerting like somebody being accused of cheating and lying. Yeah. Big groups of people, no matter how festive and nice the thought is, always creates more drama and pain than they are worth.

Out of boredom

I was feeling bored after my mega-movie-marathon that I decided I would computerize for a little bit instead. There's not a whole lot for me to do, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing. At least, I think it is anyway...

I'm waiting for Lissy to go to sleep...she's been laying in bed for almost forty minutes just talking to herself...I really wish she would go to sleep, she really needs it. I think she and I are getting sick, so I've been trying to make her drink tea (chilled of course) with me, and I even went to the store and bought some kiddie vitamin c. She thinks they are candy and keeps wanting to eat the whole darned bottle. Which is good that she likes them, and while I don't think she can exactly OD on vitamin C...I don't think it's so great for her either.

Anyway, on to my exciting weekend! While I'm sure most of you will think I'm insane or whatever, I am very pleased that we are decorating for Christmas! Browne's is selling 4' trees for only $19, which is amazing, considering Ace is selling them for like, $30...but we're getting a ton of lights to string up, and wreaths, and tinsel, and garland...Oh yes, we are going all out. And it's even more fantastic, because Chris will get a discount on everything. So after I finish with this, and I create a character for an awesome RP story, I am going to (hopefully) get little Miss Felicity to sleep, and clean clean clean. I feel like I'm pregnant again, with all of this cleaning-mode stuff I've been thrown into, heh. I just love that this is our first Christmas together in our home, I just can't wait to decorate it and sing carols (which I started back mid-November...) and everything else that goes along with dreaming of a white Christmas.

Happy Holidays and I hope that while things are tight, you never forget what Christmas is supposed to be about. Family, and the love that you have for each other. It's not about how many gifts you get, or are able to give, but about the hope and joy you give as you cuddle around your fires, or in our case, heaters, reading a book to your kids, or re-reading the books you were read when you were little... Even if you aren't a fan of the holidays, or don't celebrate them for your own reasons, just know, that wherever you are, someone is thinking of you and wishing you joy, peace, and love.

I WIN!!!

I'm a Winner :D

I finish at 50,122 words. But my story isn't even half over...so I will keep writing on this thing until I get it done, and for next year...I think I'll start with a simpler story...

45k O_O

Holy mother of all that is holy, I have hit 45,000 words! 45,045, to be exact at this very moment. I am sooo winning this tonight! And! AND! It's only 6:19pm. Hehehe. I can so do this. I'm very excited, even though I haven't even hit the climax of the story yet, lol.

Since I have hit my goal for my completely deserved break time, I am going to read a little of my book, sit with Lissy, listen to christmas music, and practice my song for tomorrow.

Oh yeah, tomorrow, at Christ The King Church, we are having a dinner and our annual Bring Your Gift night at 5. I am singing a duet of Silent Night with Jennifer Netherton, and I will also be translating the song in ASL (American Sign Language). I'm very excited for that too, and I am a little nervous. Sign language is one of my passions, and I'm in no way fluent in it, but I love doing it for songs and the like, and it's actually the one thing that makes me feel like I am closer to God, and that is something I've very much needed recently.

So anyway, if you are able come, if not, don't worry about it :D

Word Cloud

So to start with, I shall apologize for the intense ignoring of the blog. I've been up to my neck in it, because I was computerless for three days. Somehow, I was able to get almost 10,000 words behind, and I've been franticly trying to catch up. As of last night, I did, but now I have TODAY's word count to get in. Oi!

But anyway, past the drama, I have stolen a very cool website from Jenni :D It's a Word Cloud, and very amazing. You put in a bunch of text, and it tells you what words you use the most, in a very pretty way. Can you tell who my main character is? ^_^

Bullocks.

So while today has been pretty good *YAY FOR SNOW!* I'm really not able to write anything. It's even more sad, because I'm actually in the mood to write. I went to agility this morning with Simon, and then over to my moms to fix her laptop, and now I'm home for about twenty minutes until I head to the theater.

See, this is where a netbook would come in real handy. Or heck, even a laptop with a longer battery life than 30 minutes. I'd love to be able to take my laptop with me to write during the hour until the children are ready to start the performance. *Sigh* But, once again, I will have to attempt to harvest my patience and wait for when things start coming my way.

I'm so cold!

But it's snowing!

Where are my stickers Jenni?!?! ^_^ Loooooove you! <3

It's a Universe thing

I don't know what has been up today, but something is seriously out of alignment. Whether it's stars, planets, or the fact that the only sun we've had today is what makes it through the thick layer of gray clouds, but something is wrong.

It may also just be me, but I don't really believe that, since three of my other friends feel it too.

Felicity woke up this morning much crankier than usual, and not even home-made bread smothered in blueberry jam could fix it (like it usually does). Heck, I even tried AristoCats, and that didn't so much either. I don't think I slept very well because I woke up feeling like I had stared at the ceiling all night long. I had forgotten to wash the mousse out of my hair, so I woke up with a fizzy hair-do worthy enough to be called an afro. My fix? A hair tie. And with less than two hours to get ready for our opening night for Stars Lore tonight...I'm debating on showing up in sweatpants and one of Chris's shirts.

After the disastrous breakfast {Remember that toast I talked about? Yeah, that was stuck to one of our kittens...}and after the poor kitten was washed and dried, a feat that they very much objected to (I have the scratches to prove it) I figured it was time to change into less sticky clothes. I came back downstairs after having been gone a total of three minutes or less, to find Lissy squeezing the life out of Rin, our female kitten. I believe I deserve a gold medal for not screaming at her to drop the kitten. Instead, I smiled, or at least I'm sure it was CLOSE to a smile, and asked her to please put the kitten down. She dropped her. My heart fell to my toes when little Rin fell to the floor and didn't move. As I felt tears coming to my eyes over losing a kitten I had had for two days, I picked Lissy up out of the Kitten Corner and sat with her to finish Cinderella. I looked down at Rin again, and she was gone. Feeling my stomach to a flip, thinking the dog had dragged the body off, I got up faster than I intended, knocking Lissy over onto her side. I looked around, and saw her and Rorik (our male kitten), sleeping together on the rocking chair. I poked Rin, and her head shot up, her huge green eyes accusing me. "What did you do that for? I was sleeping!" Heaving a great sigh of relief, I went back to the couch with the intention of sitting next to Lissy.

She, apparently, didn't want me to sit next to her anymore, for she stuck her arms up and planted her hands on my butt and told me no. I turned around and looked at her aghast. She returned the look with a very serious frown of her own, and reinstated her No. So I let her have that section of the couch. I sat on the middle cushion and, attempting to slide in some email time on the sly, opened up my laptop. I was able to check my email, but was scared out of my mind when Simon, who was laying right behind me on the other side of the couch, starts barking wildly at the sliding glass door. I swiveled my head around to see what he was barking at, but I couldn't see anything! Not even a crow, which are his favorite things to bark at. I tol him to be quiet, but it was too late, Lissy saw my computer open. She climbed down off the couch, and tried to climb between my laptop and the arm of the couch. There was perhaps a foot of space. When she couldn't get up there, she flung herself down on the ground, nearly squishing poor Rin, and screamed bloody murder. It was all I could do to not laugh at her. Or bash my head against the wall.

She just looked so silly with her face down on a pillow, her body completely rigid and pink, with these two little black kittens prodding her legs and back with their paws, no doubt wondering what the hell was wrong with that human child! Thankfully, that was the point when Chris walked in the door. He took one look at me, one at her, and simply stated. "Nap time." He scooped her up, made a bottle, and whisked her off to bed while I flopped on the couch and pulled the blanket over my head and tried to drown out the sounds of bombs exploding in Atlantis and the high pitch wailing of a tired kid.

After she was down, I ate lunch with Chris, and we talked. After he left, I called my dad, who said he was going to swing by and give Chris and I some money so we could finally replace this laptop. Unfortunately, with all of the medical bills that have piled up because of his recent surgery, he wasn't going to be able to help us out until the 29th. That's fine. Disappointing, but fine. I had really been looking forward to getting this netbook so I could stop using this laptop...I just hate the mini heart attacks I get when it tells me that my NaNovel file is empty.

So instead of pining over what I can't have, I started procrastinating more. I went around Facebook looking at how many friends it recommended I add and whatnot, when I noticed a name from middle school. I thought, "I wonder where they are now...they had always bragged that they were going to go to this school and do that thing...etc etc" So that became my pastime. I went around and looked at where my ex-classmates were. Most of them had profiles set for private, so I couldn't see anything except their pictures, which was sad for my eavesdropping. The one thing I did notice, however, is how different they look. I mean, they look like adult versions of the kids I remember, but something I had totally not expected was how they looked. I have all these memories of these skinny young girls and guys taunting me and being bullies *The main reason why I haven't added them as friends, and never will* and then to see how, frankly, fat, they've gotten was a shocker. I understand that most people gain weight as they grow-up, but this isn't a few pounds here and there, even I will admit I'm not the same weight I was in middle school. It's almost kind of sad to see, that especially the "jocks" of my age group are no longer that way. For some reason, I had expected to see the same kids I knew back then, just a few years older. I hadn't expected to see how time had changed them. And I said as much on Facebook, and in response to that status observation, I got a very nasty comment from someone I thought knew me better. I won't post it here because I really don't want to slander them or anything like that, but I will say that it made me very angry and frankly hurt.

I'm not happy that they're not living the life they bragged about in school, I'm not happy that some of them still live with their parents. Honestly, I couldn't care less. I spent most of my school years avoiding these people, and they aren't worth my energy or time when I have so much other stuff to take care of. I just find it sad that people in general aren't taking care of themselves and buying into this "new american" thing. I didn't really believe all that jazz about how 1 in 3 Americans are obese...until I started looking around at my own classmates. It's a real problem, and I believe it now.

I'm very glad that I have a high metabolism, and I'm very glad that I own a house at 20. I am also very very thankful that Chris has a job and that we have food to eat. The thing that bothers me the most, I think, is how very little people who claim to be friends, actually know about me. And how they assume things without even asking me about it. That's what hurts. To realize that friends believe that I'm judging people based on their weight, social status, or whatever. I never thought that I would hear that said about me. There is really nothing I will say, because there is nothing I CAN say to nay say a persons beliefs. They will believe what they want to believe, and I can't change that. All I can do is realize that I guess I don't have as many friends as I thought I did, and that make me sad. Even more so because they are a neighbor. But, hey, I don't need frienemies.

And this turned out to be much longer than I had intended. It was going to be a short recap of today's hectic events, and an invitation to join me at tonights Opening Night of "Stars Lore", the fall Kiddie play, at 7pm at the Community Theater. I am running the sound board for it, and I adore these kids! They are a very talented bunch, and I have been very impressed with how hard they have worked on this play. It really is entertaining. They cover four mythologies about stars. Cupid and Psyche; Gilgamesh; Hare in the Moon; and Marushka. If you have the opportunity, come see it! We also have shows tomorrow afternoon at 3, and then our last show is Sunday at 3. Hope to see you there!

30K!

Woot! I broke 30k last night! Now, the major motivation for getting as much in as possible, if because my BFF Jacque is finishing with her Tafe (college) work this week, and is going to have a butt load more time to write on her own novel, and I just know she will become a writing machine and outdistance me again like she did at the beginning of NaNo.

I really do love you Jacque....I just want to cream you! ^_^ So now according to the NaNo site, I'm roughly 4 thousand words ahead of her. Muwhahahahaha. Jenni, you just shut up. Lol. I'm proud of myself for getting in SIX THOUSAND WORDS yesterday. My total right now is 30,222. Pretty awesome number if I do say so myself.

And to top off my amazing day of getting a Kitten with Gemma at 11 this morning, I just got a call from the theater asking if I would like to also be in another Playwrights Festival play. I don't actually think I say anything, but it's a really touching scene in the play that I had hoped I'd be in initially. So I'm pretty stoked...and that monster I drank? Has nothing to do with my fingers creating smoke on my keyboard from typing so fast...

So close!

I am so close to 30k, I can taste it! I think I will be able to hit it before I go to bed tonight, so that's what I'm going to try and do...but who knows if I'll actually get it done, lol. I just finished watching Robots, and I need to work on my lines for the playwrights festival thing...All well.

Very short post I know, but I couldn't think of much else to say!

Just for Jacque

Because she is absolutely amazing (and asked first) I am going to post a snippet of my NaNovel. I really love this piece, and am very proud of it. It came out much easier than I thought it would, to which I give all credit to my amazingly arrogant and rather mischievous Rorik ^_^

“It’s about time you showed up!” Advisor Judas hissed as Rorik sauntered into the throne room. Judas watched with obvious distaste as Rorik made his way up to where King Ormond sat on his golden throne, lazily swinging his feet about like a bored child.

“I am here to collect my payment, your majesty.” Rorik swept a hand outwards as he bowed.

“Prove to me that he is dead.” Ormond showed no sign of concern that the job was not done, but Judas had advised him to make sure it was.

Rorik smirked, “You mean, you won’t just take my word?”

“Of course not you bum!” Shouted Advisor Judas from beside the Kings throne.

Rorik stood straight, glaring at Judas who then shrunk under the gaze. Turning his attention back to the King, Rorik pulled a sack from his shirt. He tossed it at the King, who fumbled it slightly then weighed it in his hand. As he started to open it, Rorik cleared his throat.

“Unless your majesty has a strong stomach, I don’t advise looking in the bag.” The Advisor gave the assassin a contemptuous glance, then opened the bag, turning it bottom side up so the contents fell into the Kings hand. Rorik let a small victory smile spread to one side of his lips. The King looked down in horror at the still warm heart in his hands. Blood dripped through his fingers onto his leggings as his face went paler than the white fur he wore around his neck.

The advisor looked green. “I warned you.” Rorik said, a savage glee evident in his tone.

The Advisor flicked the bag over the heart and used it to wiggle the slippery thing back into its pouch. “I assume that this is his heart?”

Rorik just crossed his arms and gave the advisor a condescending glare. “No shit Sherlock.”

The King flustered. “What are we going to do?” Ormond looked at his trembling blood stained hands. He had once thought greatly of Elkan, and now, he had been holding the young man’s heart in his hand.

“Sire?” The advisor looked shocked, and just stared at the King. “What do you mean? The problem has been taken care of, there is nothing left for us to do but to continue on with the rest of our… event.”

Rorik looked nonchalant, gazing around the throne room. Even though he had been in here before, he took great pains to seem invisible. He needed to gleam as much information from this quick meeting as he could.

“What are we going to tell Catrina? You know how much she has attached herself to Elkan…This will be a huge blow to her!” Ormond began to wipe his hands on the already blood stained leggings he wore. Once most of the blood was on his pants, he started wringing his together, a sure sign of his anxiety. “She’ll ask questions, what will I tell her?”

Advisor Judas just nodded his head sagely. “I’ve thought of that already. We shall tell her that he was in the forest training, when he was shot and killed by a huntsman.” He looked significantly over to Rorik. “The huntsman had mistaken him for a deer or boar, and shot him. He then came to the castle to plead to you for mercy.” He bowed his head again, and attempted a knowledgable smile.

King Ormond continued his anxious worrying of his hands. “But-“

“Sire please! She will be just fine, she’s so busy being with her friends that she won’t notice his absence. Just leave it to me, sire.” Judas bowed low and left the room, going to attend to the preperations.

King Ormond stared at his now still hands, his head and heart heavy. It was unfortunate that Elkan should be the first of many victims, but there was nothing he could do to change the plans. When Ormond looked up, he was surprised to see Rorik still standing there.

“What do you want?” He asked, getting nervous. Assassin’s always made Ormond nervous. Not as much as most Rangers did, but still. He didn’t like their ability to move about the shadows, kill, then slip away quietly before anyone even knew they were there. He admitted they were useful, but that didn’t dampen his fear.

“My payment. You have your proof, now give me my reward.” Rorik held his hand out. “You said thirteen thousand crowns, no less.”

The King looked wide eyed. “I thought Judas had given it to you.”

Rorik rushed the King, taking a knife from his waist and barely touching the Kings throat. “You calling me a liar?”

Ormond gulped. “N-No! No! I’ll get you your money!”

Rorik stepped back to his previous position, sliding the knife back into his secure hiding place amoung the many folds of his clothing. “Thank you, your highness. You are most gracious.”

King Ormond clapped his hands and waited until one of the servants showed up at his elbow. “Yes, bring me this man’s reward. Thirteen thousand crowns.” Ormond never took his fearful eyes from the assassin standing before him, still as stone. With his gray and black garb covering him from chin to toe, his arms crossed and his slate eyes cold as stone, he was a very menacing character.

Ormond waited in anxious silence while the servant was doing his bidding. After what seemed like an eternity later, the servant returned, with at least a dozen other servants, each carrying a large sack that jingled with every step they took. Most of the servants were men, since the bags were the size of small children and weighed at least twice as much. Each servant carrying a bag looked as if they were being led to the gallows, ashamed that they were carrying the blood money to be paid to the assassin who killed their friend. Rorik noticed this, and was glad of their moroseness. He watched with a smug smile as they laid their cargo in front of him. He flicked his gaze up to the King who visibly flinched.

“Very nice, your highness. I do hope that it truly is what we agreed upon. And I will be counting.” His tone was flat, and almost teasing, like a cat playing with a mouse it’s about to feast on. “And if you don’t mind, which I’m sure you don’t, I will borrow your servants. I need them to carry my gold to my abode, I certainly can’t carry it all on my own.”

He pinned Ormond down with a glare that broached no argument, and silently the King just nodded, his face still pale from the bloody incident, and Rorik could tell he desperately wished that his advisor was still around to be a shield. “Thank you, your highness. I’ll be in touch.” The last sentence was said with a thinly veiled threat, one that the King obviously heard and recognized, for he blanched further, which Rorik didn’t know was possible. “Now, please, servants. Follow me.” He lead the way from the great throne room to the courtyard, where he lead the servants like ants down through the town, into the forest. They went past the place where he had had his fight with Elkan, past a large waterfall, over several streams, and by the time they had reached their destination, the servants were so turned around, Rorik knew they wouldn’t be able to find their way back out even if they tried.

Rorik paused, and said very loudly, “Here we are. Please, follow me inside.” He held a screen of vine to the side, revealing a stained wooden door. He opened it, and the servants filed inside, sweat plastering their hair to their foreheads. The main room was dark, and looked like it had been carved out of the hillside itself. The walls and ceiling was all stone, but more square like than what a cave would be. They dropped their bags of gold near the far wall, where Rorik had motioned to. More than half of the servants dropped to the ground on their bottoms, breathing heavily. Out of the dozen servants, there were 8 men, leaving four women, and Rorik was surprised by the strength of the women. He had thought they would have staggered more than they had on the journey.

“May I interest you in some water?” He held up a large skin and wasn’t surprised by the look of greed in their eyes. He handed it to the woman who was closest to him. Her hair was long and as gold as the money in the bags they had carried, tied back with a single strip of leather in, now, a very loose braid. She wore a plain brown dress with a stained yellowed apron. She was thin, and had lots of flour under her fingernails. She took only a small mouthful before she passed it along. Rorik was intrigued by this, and made a note of her.

After all the servants had had their fill of water, he took the skein back. Now all of the servants were on the floor, but most were breathing much easier. He watched them for a moment, trying to decided how to broach the subject best. Not thinking of anything better, he began. “What would you do if I told you Elkan was not dead?”

All of the servants snapped their heads up to stare at him in utter confusion. After a beat, an older man stood and said, “How dare you mock us in our grief! You killed him and cut out his heart all for this money.” He swooped his arm in an arc indicating the bags of gold. After his bold statement, the rest of the servants began to stir.

Rorik was pleased. The fact that they were defending Elkan was a good sign. “How many of you were close to him?” He asked, a hand placed thoughtfully under his chin as he studied them.

“We all were.” The young girl with long gold hair said. Her voice was quiet, but strong.

“Oh?” Rorik studied her. She was quite attractive, probably in her early twenties. Her eyes were a soft green, like spring grass. She smelled of baked goods and bread, and he could see little bits of flour on her cheek where a hand swipe had marked its passage along her face.

All the servants were now standing. “What’s to keep us from getting you? There are twelve of us, and only one of you.” They started closing in on Rorik, who just looked amused.

“That won’t be necessary.” Elkan stepped out from behind a leather flap that lead to another room. A collective gasp ran through the servants.

“But – How?” They all looked on in wonder as their friend was alive and talking to them.

“I’ll explain in a moment.” Elkan went around the servants giving and receiving hugs and pats on the back. He stopped when he saw the dozen bags against the rock wall. “Rorik? What is all this?”

“This, my dear Ranger, is the money I got for killing you.” Rorik sounded mightily pleased with himself.

Elkan just whistled. “You get paid this much for failing to kill someone? How much do you get if you actually get your mark?” He paused a moment to let his comment sink into Rorik. He smiled when he just got a glare back. Turning his attention back to the gold, he added, “I daresay I shall have to make a habit of having you kill me more often.”

New Design

I was getting bored of my Spring Time design. Hope you enjoy this one as much as I do, I think it's very wintery, but not so depressing.

Anyway, I have done an amazing thing. I bulldozed by way through 22k, and when I was at 22800something, I told Chris, "Ok, just two hundred more words and I'm going to bed. Well. So much for that. 1400 words later...I fall into bed, exhausted but thoroughly pleased with myself. Now I am pleased to report that I am at 24,235 words. I have to go to the theater today at 2:30 to start working on the kiddie play, but I think I'm going to try and get at least half an hour of writing in after I get ready to go. Now just to find a clean shirt...Damn you laundry monsters!

Oh Bugger...

Well, last night, I got barely in my daily quota. I was so dead tired! From 9am until 8pm, I was at the theater. Not once did I go home, and there was very few times where I actually got to sit and do nothing. I have no idea why the heck I'm there. I was told to be there, and then they didn't need me at all. Ian is doing everything that Steve told me I would be doing, so I'm extra, just hanging about feeling useless. After I was begged to do the sound. WTF?

On top of that, my foster cat has been missing for over a week. I don't know where she is, and nobody has turned her into the shelter. I'm hoping that she's alright, just living with another family. She's an orange cat, very tiny, with darker orange stripes. When she left our house, she was wearing a green collar with a purple tag in the shape of a cats face. Her name is Kit, and the number on the tag is my cell that doesn't work. If somebody has been calling that, my phone is dead and there is no way of knowing.

Now, on top of THAT, I get to miss my first rehearsal for the musical because I have to be at the theater to stand around the kiddy play. Why ask me to do something if you're not going to need me? It's not like I'm the only one who can push a button. I really hate being looked at like I don't know left from right. It's this kind of stuff that makes me really regret volunteering my time.

Lissy is being cranky for heaven knows why, I can't hear myself think over her screeching, the dog is chasing the cat around and then when he gets smacked, he yelps and looks at me like "What happened ma?" I'm going bonkers. I need to hit 25k today, because I know I won't be able to write anything Saturday, if I'm going to stay up all night tonight to write. I just really hope my director doesn't decide to reschedule me for Saturday morning!

A New Snippet

I have decided that since I didn't get a whole lot written lately, I will post something up here for y'all to read. I figure maybe that will get me in mood to write to 25k today! Here ya go!

Elkan took a long drink from his beer, inhaled deeply and said, “I am being given the honor of becoming the personal bodyguard of princess Catrina.”

Geralt said nothing, he just stared at his pupil for a moment. Maintaining his silence, the older ranger caught the eye of the serving maid and held up two fingers just as Elkan had earlier. Then, seizing his own mug from the table he drained it in one go. Elkan just watched and took another sip of his drink, waiting for what was to come. The serving girl came with two more frothy mugs and set one before each of them. Looking up the older man extended his hand to her and Elkan caught the flash of gold. “We may need quite a few more. Let me know when that runs out,” Geralt said. Then glaring like a predator, he reached over and grabbed the mug in front of Elkan and slid it over to sit in front of himself next to the other one. He took a drink from the first one, and looked over at his abashed apprentice. “So, Cat’s babysitter now are you? Serves you right for letting those sea dogs beat you up so bad, though I can’t imagine she’ll go any easier on you.”

Elkan winced a little, “She’s not the one I’m afraid of here. Besides, it won’t be that bad, I think it’s just until she is married.”

“Ha!” Snorted Geralt into the remnants of his mug, “Then it’s life service.”

“She’s of age,” Elkan pointed out with a frown. “Or perhaps a little past it. At least that’s what her father seemed to think. He was threatening to pick a groom for her.”

“Oh that’d go just peachy,” retorted the older man. “And how are you supposed to train while being her bodyguard? I mean after you nurse the results of those ‘lucky blows’ in a month. Does this mean I am going to have to haunt the palace to tutor you until the princess is married off? That simply won’t do. Elkan just what have you gotten your poor old master into?”

“Geralt you’re talking like you think this was my idea. Quite the opposite I assure you. And Cat didn’t seem to like it either.”

Geralt sighed. “I know lad.  I’m just caught a little off balance. I didn’t expect you to be late, nor did I expect you to be injured. And I definitely didn’t expect you to be confined to a personal guard post, to the princess no less. You’re not even finished with your training.”

“I am a full Ranger, Geralt.” Elkan sipped his beer. As much as he loved Geralt, he did sometimes get annoyed by his constant training.

“That doesn’t mean you've completed it. Until you can best me, you will always be an apprentice.” Geralt winked and his mouth formed that sly smile he always put on when he teased Elkan.

Elkan just sighed dramatically into his mug. “Anyway, I’m sure it won’t be too bad. I’m just supposed to keep the boys in the castle away from her. Even injured, I think I can manage to scare off boys.”

“You may at that, but can you keep her from them?”

Book Cover Winner

Thanks to my wonderful friend Jenni, I have I think six different covers to choose from for the book. I love them all, and they are incredible by themselves. I had a really hard time choosing between them all, I could really see my book covered with any of them.

But last night, I had an epiphany, and suddenly, I had the winner. Are you ready to see? {I can picture Jenni reading this, screaming at her monitor: Tell me already! ^^}

TAH-DAH! This is our winner. At some point, I may add the meaning of it...And yes, I know it's actually supposed to be spelled Memento, but I like it Momento better XD
For those of you who don't know what it means, it means "Remember you must die" or "Remember your mortality." Either way, pretty bad ass. ^^

What the hell?

Alright. I have no freaking idea what the matter is, but apparently the universe hates me and has decided that I'm not meant to be a writer.I can't believe it. In the last 5 days since I've started the NaNo project, I have had streams of bad luck that just won't go away. In five days, I have barely managed to break 10k, and I know that none of it is good, and this book will immedietly wind up in the recycle bin and will probably never see the light of day. In five days, I have managed, somehow, to go from being totally excited about this with full blown confidence, to feeling depressed, angry, and vaguely homicidal.

Every time I make plans to sit down and write, SOMETHING will come up. Whether is stupid people, horrible mechanics, annoying dogs, or some end of the world crisis that my daughter finds devastating and Daddy just won't do. I'm having a really hard time being happy about anything right now. Not even my house being clean. Yeah, I'm really excited about getting a part in the playwrights festival (a singing LEAD no less), but all I want to do right now, is find a rock, curl up under it, and cry until the earth opens up and devours me.

I can't think, I can't spell...I mean, I'm usually a really fast typist, anywhere from 40 to 60 words a minute, and if I do say so myself, a damn good perfectionist when it comes to spelling and grammar. But OH NO! Not this month I'm not. I'm typing uber slow, get really simple words messed up and out of order, and my dyslexia is in full force. I don't know why the universe has chosen this time to mess with me, but I'm so done. I don't know what more to do, and I can't even look forward to getting a new cell phone and netbook the 19th. (Like, a week and a half)

I couldn't even enjoy agility this morning. And that's totally weird. I don't know what is going on with me, but I aim to find out. I read a great quote in the NaNo book that read, "I don't wait for my muse to show up, I go find her, and drag her home by the hair." It's a great quote to live by, and that's what I'm trying to do....now if only I could get moments peace...

10k!!! HAHAHAH!!

Ok, so here is my update: I have over 10,000 words! YES!

I'm excited, can you tell? ^^ So yeah, that's pretty much it. Been debating on putting up another blip from the novel but...you'll have to wait a little longer for a really juicy piece :D

Don't you just love waiting?

Yes! I finally broke 5k!

Ok, so no, it's not as good as my NaNo buddies, but hell, I'm trying. Talking with Jenni this morning has lifted my spirits enough that I want to share a snippet. She's going to, so I may as well copy her! It's what all the cool kids are doing anyway: Copying Jenni. :D

My word count, as of last night, is 6,120. Woo! Alright, here is my (rather large) snippet:

Catrina stared out of the large window of her father’s study and watched as Elkan rode off into the city, and out towards Turner on the eastern coast. Her silken skirts rustled as she shifted impatiently, her brows furrowed together with annoyance, but as she watched the horse and rider until they were out of sight, her emerald eyes held nothing but longing. She wanted to go out there, into the country. To be free from the so called duties of a princess. The fan waving, balancing books on ones head…she wasn’t suited for those things. Her teachers drove her mad with their infernal lectures of what a good princess should be.

“I don’t need a bodyguard.” She stated flatly. She was against any sort of protection, and she disliked the fact of taking a Ranger off duty even more. There were plenty of palace guards around to keep her honor and dignity intact.

“This is not up for discussion, my dear daughter.” The King, Brutus, stated, still pouring over various pieces of parchment.

“It should be, father. You know I don’t need it.” Catrina insisted. From the time she was very young, she had watched the knights practice in the yards, and even participated. Even the older knights had to admit she had talent. She had beaten a few of the squires and other lads, but she couldn’t tell if they were letting her win because she was a girl, or if she really was besting them.

“It’s not becoming of a princess. To have her carrying about in men’s clothes, hauling those vulgar weapons around smashing people.” Brutus shivered. He was a King who didn’t like violence, and especially didn’t like the idea of his daughter becoming a Ranger.

“I assigned a Ranger to you so that perhaps he can explain that life as a Ranger is not all it seems.”

“But what if the things I expect are real? I don’t expect easy traveling or easy jobs, I want a challenge that’s why I want to be a-“

“Don’t say it!” Brutus roared. “No daughter of mine will be a ranger, knight, or anything other than a perfectly well bred lady of providence. You are a princess, and you will remain so until you are crowned a Queen.”

“Father, I-“ Catrina moved towards her father, trying to placate him.

“I have not finished!” Brutus slammed a fist down onto the table. “You are twenty two years of age. You should be married with babies by now.”

Catrina rolledher eyes and sighed.

“But you have declined all of the proposals offered you. You must accept one soon, or you will be too old!” Brutus took a deep breath and looked at his daughter, who now had her eyes downcast, staring at the floor. He could see the tears in her eyes she was trying very hard to conceal.

“My dear…I want you to be happy, and I don’t think that-“

“That’s just it!” She yelled, startling her father. “You don’t think about anything! Only yourself and this country!” She stared angrily at her father, letting a single tear slide down her tanned procelin cheek. After a fraction of a moment, she tore from the study, her back straight as a broomstick. Tears now ran freely down her face as she flew down the stairs and around into the hall under the stairway. She ran by servants who tried to ask what had happened. She ignored all of them and their well meaning concern. Unlike most other royals and nobles, Cat was friendly with all of the servants in her father’s household. She had known all of them since she was born, and enjoyed spending time with them. They were her family, and usually, always had time for them. But today, she had been blasted with several things.

Being put under the protection of a Ranger was just one of the bombshells her father had released on her this afternoon. There were two others. The first one was that she was no forbidden to spare with even the seasoned old knights, and she was to avoid the training yard from now on. The second, was that her father was going to choose a bridegroom for her, if she didn’t in the next year. He had told her that her duty was to her country, not to her own selfish wants. He had even gone so far as to tell her that at this point, he didn’t care who she chose as a husband, so long as she did. That was a mistake, she thought. While Cat had no intention of marrying anybody for any reason except for the sort of love you read in fairytales, she was going to make it a mission to choose someone her father would either despise personally or socially. A commoner perhaps. Or even better, a criminal. Cat stopped just outside of her bedchamber door. She shook her head, ok, a criminal was too far. But she’d find somebody to make her father regret this.

So as you can tell, this isn't the main character, but I just think that adds to the mystery :D
What do you think? Please, keep in mind that this has not been edited, nor will it be until after November!!

Update

OK, I'm going insane. We had another computer episode like my last blog post, although this time, it lasted four different power offs and ons. I was devastated. I thought that my computer had decided to go away for good. Chris finally got it back, although I don't know how. All I know is, I'm getting a new freakin' computer! Now all I need is the $300 for it, heh.

Anyway! For my word count, I am now at 4,419 words. Really trying to get into the groove of things, and I'm just about to start an action scene, so that will be interesting. I know this blog post is really short, but I do have Lissy on my lap trying to help me type. Rather difficult! But she's adorable, so it's ok. :D

Have a good day!

OH! P.S. I lost my phone. No idea where it is, or what I did with it. I lost it somewhere between my house and my grandmothers, so if you try and call or text and I don't answer....that's why.