Ugh. And… that's all I have to say.

So yesterday was… awesome. Both in the good way and the most sarcastic  way you can imagine. On the upswing, I've broken 10k. On the downside, those words kept me up most of the night because I didn't write at all until the sun went down and I was in bed. Why the heck did you do that? You may ask.

Well. I got my first bout of painful contractions. Not just Braxton Hicks, these were so painful that I felt like I needed to stay around the bathroom, or at least have a heavy-weight bag around me at all times. This is starting two weeks earlier than it did with Felicity, which makes sense. One week for each twin. -pokes babies- 12 weeks! 12 weeks, you hear me?! We have an appointment, thankfully, not too far away, with my OB in Anacortes and she'll be able to make sure everything is alright. I went to my Uncle's office and got checked out, and my cervix is still tightly closed, but soft. Blah. If that thing has moved at all by our appointment, I think I'll just request a cerclage. (If you don't know what that is, I don't suggest goggling it.) Suffice it to say, it keeps my cervix shut!

After that, I came home and since Chris was on his lunch, he made me and Felicity some food, and got her set up with a movie so she could zone out and nap. Which she did. Which made it possible for me to nap. So about 1 o'clock, both Felicity and I took a nap until about… 4:30-ish. When I got up, I made more food, then laid in bed until Chris got home while Lissy ran around the house chasing the kittens. Once he did get home, we started work on making curtains and a tablecloth for my baby shower on Sunday. I swear if I didn't enjoy sewing so much, and if that machine wasn't my mothers, I would have thrown that blasted thing across the living room. I knocked out two curtains like nothin', but when I went to sew my tablecloth, something happened that made all hell break loose. No freaking idea what caused it, but first the bobbin wouldn't thread neatly. Then it wouldn't fit into it's little hole so I could thread the machine. Then when I finally got it threaded, the stupid hook kept grabbing the needle's thread and pulling it down into the bobbin area, making it jam. I can't tell you how many times I rethreaded the whole dang-blasted machine. I was so frustrated. I was tired, cranky, frustrated, and really upset that it was now almost 11 o'clock and I had yet to write a single word today. Finally, I gave up and made a cup of chai. I turned off the machine, made my chai, then switched it back on again. That was something I had done before, that hadn't worked. But this time, for some unknown reason, the stupid machine WORKED. I was flabbergasted, but went with it. So with Under the Tuscan Sun playing in the background, I finished that blasted tablecloth and went to bed to write. I don't know if it was sheer hatred at that machine that turned me into a writing machine, but whatever it was, I didn't realize how much I'd done in so little time until Chris came upstairs, took my computer, saved the work and put it to bed. I got up this morning to check it, expecting I'd have about 7 thousand words or so, considering I started out at just over 6k. Nope. 10023 words. Reading it, there are pieces that aren't the most coherent, but wth. I'm going with it. November is not National Editing Month. That's December :)

So now, I am going to shower, do my morning routine, do a word sprint, get dressed, do a word sprint, go run my errands then come home and do another word sprint before I head over to the theater to do nothing but write consistently for… almost 5 hours. -squee- Which means I get to see Steve ^^ I can't tell you how much I have missed my theater family, and I'm so excited to see them today, even if it's just a quick hug and hello as I make my way to the green room to settle myself into my novel.

I hope you fellow WriMo's out there are doing fantastic, and I know you can do it! A writer does not write because they want to, they write because they need to. Oh, and a good quote from Chris Baty himself: "If you don't see a bunch of red and green squiggly lines, you're doing it wrong."

The Beginning of NaNo

My first and second days of NaNo I would say have been a success. Despite not feeling any sort of creativity, I have forced 6,039 words out of my now tired fingers over the course of yesterday and today. Yesterday's count was 3,456 words, today was 2,583. Definitely more than the minimum, but I can't help but feel disappointed in myself for not beating yesterdays score, which was my intention. In order to match it, I needed to have written a total of 6,912 words. Just under 900 words short. I probably could have done it if I hadn't gone to coffee with my girlfriends this morning, but hey. I needed a chai and a pumpkin muffin with cream cheese frosting. -jealous much? :)

Now, I am off to bed before my hubby clubs me over the head to knock me out :) Good night all, and I will let you know how tomorrow ends!

And so it (almost) begins!

Less than 24 hours until the start of November! And it's Halloween!

I am a big fan of fall. The slight chill to the air, the changing colors going from the greens of the summer to oranges, reds, and browns, and who could forget the fantastic food that comes around?? We have Halloween, today, (which is the epitome of hypocrisy, little kids asking strangers for candy, women encouraged to dress (even more) like prostitutes, and it's OK to scare the poor little kids) with it's cider and truckloads of candy (mmm) and coming up on it's heels is Thanksgiving.

This will be the second year we spend Thanksgiving without my grandmother, which is always difficult, but it's starting to get easier. The food, the family, the warmth... it's something I truly enjoy. And, since I'm pregnant, I get a guilt-free card to eat all I want, even a second or third helping of pumpkin pie! ^^

And of course, NaNoWriMo. How could anyone forget that? The month out of the year where it's OK to completely ignore family, friends, life in general, in order to push yourself further into the folds of becoming a writer. Best part? Most everyone understands! Especially once explained. Last year, which was my first year of attempting NaNo, I had lots of people give me funny looks and ask just what the hell was I thinking. Oh they had faith in be, don't get me wrong, but when you think about it, writing 50,000 words or more, in only thirty days, does seem a bit... insane. I spend the entire month of October researching, plotting, and detailing out my world, characters, and little pieces that I need to know in order to write effectively. I feel more prepared this year than I do last year, even though last year I had the entire story plotted out. This year, I have my characters more developed (just last night I found my Bad Guy name -whew!-), and I have a basic idea of where the end of the story will end up, but I only really plotted out the first half. There are so many roads this story could take, and I wanted to leave it up to the characters. So that's what I'm doing.

Which, by the way, totally pisses my Inner Editor off! Muwhahahaa.

For most of November, I will be on doc ordered bed rest, so I have very little excuse not to win this year. Even with an active almost-three-year-old on my back and two little gymnasts in my belly. My goal this year it to actually hit 100k, not just 50k. Yep, that's pretty damn insane, but it's only 3k words a day as opposed to roughly, 1.6k. If I don't hit 100k... well, I'll still have won by hitting 50! So that's my goal for NaNo....

Now... What are you dressing up as for Halloween, if anything? Are you going trick -or- treating? Or just tricking? >:)

19 days until the grand opening of NaNoWriMo 2011!

It doesn't seem like it's been an entire year since I first signed up for this odd writing frenzy, but then, at the same time, it seems like November has taken forever to get here. Perhaps it's because I competed, and won, Script Frenzy this past april, with 119 pages. Or maybe it's because I spent most of the year dwelling on my previous NaNo book. Either way, it's almost time again, and I couldn't be more excited or nervous.

Unlike last year, I will be doing everything via my Mac, instead of stealing Chris's PC. So doing it only on a laptop will be a change in itself, but I will also be on bed rest. I know I said I wouldn't talk much about my pregnancy on this blog, since this is my writing blog, but hey, pregnancy kind of overlaps everything else in life.

In a way, being on bed rest gives me an excuse to constantly write, whenever I want, without having other distractions get to me. None of the 'I think I'll go for a walk…' or 'I can put off writing for a few hours to go to lunch…' because I won't be allowed to do those things. I think the hardest part will be keeping my toddler entertained, and keeping myself away from hulu and facebook. I may even have to have Chris set up a secret password so I can't get online until he connects it for me, and only after I've completed my daily word count. This will certainly be an interesting, but hella fun year!

Right now, I'm waiting on the new NaNo site to finish the final touches so I can add my writing buddies, get my word count widget on my dashboard, and a few other fun things I like to have around. I've completed my rough synopsis, which I will share with you, filled out my novel and author information, and have made it about halfway through my rough sketch of what the book will look like. I've got timelines, fashion timelines, even some random information about logging before there were chainsaws and heavy machinery! I am certainly excited about how much research will be going into this novel (yes, I'm a researching nerd. I love it!) and am finally starting to feel as pumped about writing this as before. I hope this feeling sticks around!

Now… just to find a new shoe box to keep my inner editor in…. Last years got pretty torn up! :D

Anyone else feeling this way?

I don't know if it's just the pregnancy hormones, the stresses of the last couple days, or what, but I seem to have hit a snag in my excitement about NaNo. I've been so excited since I completed Script Frenzy to November to come, but now that it's almost here, I've been hit with a strong case of the "meh"s.

Chris, my awesome hubby and main muse, has been helping me work through a couple tight spots in my story line, but the last few nights, I've sat down and just… stared. Stared at really nothing, my screen yes, but the words weren't really sinking in of what I'd already come up with, and no fresh ideas were forth coming. I think I've settled on most of the character names, but again, mostly "meh", none of the "That is SO their name!" that I had last year. Don't get me wrong, I was am just as passionate about this story as I was with my previous one. Maybe even a little more so, because this time around, I'm writing out of my comfort zone (it is a romance after all. And no making cracks about "I'm a woman so romance is always in my comfort zone"). But it's more than just that, I love the 1880's. I love that era in general. And that's when this story is set, so I already have that fueling my writing, and it's a story that I would want to read. And for the last six months, I've read A LOT of historical romance novels. They're short, sweet, and are great little day passers (since they last me about 3 hours tops). But the stories always seemed to be missing something to me, and now that I'm going to write my own, I have this fantastic new insight. It doesn't matter if others like it, because it's something I would read and enjoy.

I've really struggled this last year with my identity as a writer, and as much as I don't like this new meh-sickness I've developed, it's brought on a positive change in me.

Now, I don't have everything ironed out (there are still a bunch of crinkles and holes in my story!) but that will come during November, I think. Right now, I'm just trying to get the basics penned out and researched, so I don't have to waste time with that during November. I already know that there will be two days that I won't be able to write anything. The 6th (my baby shower) and my ultrasound appointment near the end of November. Thanksgiving… well, I'll probably end up writing because I will have all day to not be in a turkey induced coma :)

Speaking of researching, I got this, supposedly 'awesome', program for my Mac called Scrivener. Now, I had never heard of this before, but was told that it was one of the best writing programs out there, and that it would make my researching, storing, story-boarding, etc so much easier. I wouldn't have to jump between programs for my lists and factoids, and I'd only have one window open so no cluttering up my 15" laptop screen with a bunch of windows. I thought that sounded pretty darn good! So I got it. And I wish I hadn't.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure for someone who has been using it for a while, and knows the ins and outs, it's great. But… Not only am I so confused about how to use this thing, I'm not even sure it would be compatible with my other writing program stuff. Heck, I'm not sure I'm compatible with this thing. I don't know, maybe it's just the first 48 hours of buyers remorse kicking in, and that in a few days, after trying to use it, it will grow on me and become my new best writing buddy. We shall see!

NaNoWriMo 2011

It's almost time again! 30 more days until the glorious opening day of National Novel Writing Month!! I can't explain how excited I am to write again this year, and I've even brought a friend into it as well! So stoked to have another writing buddy (and competitor!).

Now, this year will be especially difficult, but probably not as difficult as it will be next year. As I've mentioned before, Chris and I are expecting twins sometime in February 2012. I've already had a couple of complications, and am technically on house arrest, issued by my doc. It's not bed rest (thank goodness!) but by the time November rolls around, I may very well be on strict bed rest!

I have mixed feelings about attempting NaNo this year, while pregnant. I'm super excited because it gets me back into writing and gives me a chance to focus on something other than last years NaNo project. November last year, while interestingly challenging, was probably one of the most fun times I had all year, and I am thoroughly looking forward to meeting my new characters and roaming through their world as I build it.

On the other hand, I relied heavily on sugary snacks and coffee last year, neither of which I can have this time around. Coffee because it makes my heart have panic attacks (well, palpitations is the proper word for it), and my body is super sensitive to sugar since being pregnant. Seriously. A single piece of candy corn will come back up as quickly as it went down. So no caffeine or sugar, added on top of already exhausted preggo-ness. Hey, twins take a lot of energy to create!

So I have a couple more things stacked up against me this year, but I love being challenged, and I am definitely looking forward to tackling it! I even discovered that apple created (or is supporting, whatever) a widget just for syncing up with your NaNo account and keeping track of your progress on your dashboard. How totally awesome it that?! You can bet your sweet little head I downloaded that! I'm a little disappointed that the new NaNoWriMo site won't be up and revealed until Oct. 10th, but I supposed I can wait. Cue dramatic sigh and hand on forehead.

If the hubs and I calculated our monthly income properly, I will have enough cushion to order some motivation from the NaNo store. Totally excited about getting stuff! They have a bunch of fantastic merchandise, and if you haven't checked it out, you totally should. One of the things I'd love to get, maybe for a week three prize?, is this coffee mug that has their logo and a little quote saying "Keep writing now! (Ask questions later!)". I love it, and it's totally what I need to remember to do. My inner editor likes to try and sneak back in every once in a while. That is of course because I smack him (yes, my editor is a Him. Don't ask me why!) with a bat and stuff him back into his shoebox. (Yes, I keep him in a shoebox during November. Don't worry, it's a very nice shoebox ^^)

I've been spending the better part of the last 6 months (since the end of Script Frenzy) coming up with ideas for this year, and plotting out how those events should play out. I've pointed out before that I am a type-A personality, planted firmly in Perfect and Control country. (If you don't get that reference, go check out The Flag Page Test). I like knowing what I plan on writing, what events I'm planning to put in, all of that, before I even start writing. Granted, a lot of times during the month, things change and I deviate from my initial plan. But oddly enough, I'm ok with that. In fact, I love it. But having a list before starting the month really makes me feel more prepared and comfortable. It let's me know that I have a back-up plan if I get really stuck. Which can, and does, happen!

Now, before I fall asleep, I need to google some 1800's travel systems! And that's about the only hint you're gonna get! Until I feel like giving you another one. -wink wink-

Arrrg.

So I was hoping to be able to proclaim that I have finished the novel. Nope. Not gonna happen. I realized that with each edit I did, it was to please other people, not myself. I didn't start writing to please others. Now, I know that there is a degree of pleasing others that every author has to contend with. Writing for the audience and all that. But that shouldn't suck all the fun out of writing or editing.

I had 4 beta readers who helped me get feedback so I could do all the editing I did. But the more I edited, based solely on what these readers thought, the more I ended up cutting, and the more skeletal the book looked. After the last edit I did, I looked down at my word count and realized I had cut almost 15 thousand words without adding a single one. I realized that I was no longer writing for myself and my characters. I was writing to please somebody else.

And that's when I knew I wasn't going to get my book out by thanksgiving. Which was my original plan. Now, being a perfectionist, and always having a plan and being rather inflexible, this really messed with my head. I got overwhelmed at how much I needed to put back into my world and how much life I needed to breathe back into my characters. I just looked at my pitiful story and cried.

So I called in my best friend and favorite genius. I asked her if she'd be willing to help me edit and go through the book and figure out why it was so messed up. It's always been difficult for me to edit my own stuff, because to me, it all makes perfect sense. I know the story, I know the plot twists, I know my characters, and I know the minute details. But, unfortunately, no one else does. So it's always hard trying to relay exactly what I mean, without giving away too much, and without sounding overly concerned with details. (I am often prone to over detailing the landscape, because descriptive things like that are some of my favorite things to write.)

So I sent her my poor, pitiful, emaciated story and she stuck it on her kindle and started making notes. One of the reasons I love asking her for advice is because, even though I'm her friend, she is always brutally honest. And that is what I needed right now, even though I physically flinched at some of the critiques. I know it's not a smack at me or my writing ability, but she is trying to help me make this the best it can be. And really, I think that's the only reason why I haven't scrapped the whole project.

Some of you may not know of one particular piece of my writing background. I've been writing, both long and short stories, poetry, you name it, since elementary school. I've always been an avid reader and writer. Most everyone, friends and family-wise, have been very supportive of my little hobby. When I was, oh, 14 or so, I decided I was going to write a book. I had met my best friend (the one I've been talking about) on a role-playing site and we had been writing back and forth for a while, and I wanted to turn that story into a readable, cohesive, book. She was totally into the idea and we got started. I can't tell you how excited I was. I worked on that thing day and night, printing pieces out, physically cutting and pasting sections so it read better, and then retyping it into the computer and sending it to her for verification. At that time, I had developed my self-esteem and self-worth through my writing. And as anyone can attest, a teenagers self esteem is a very fragile thing. While out to lunch with a mutual friend of mine and Chris's (my hubby, before he was even a boyfriend), I was asked how my project was going by this friend. That was all it took to get me to gush out how well it was going and how fantastic it was going to be and how excited I was, all that. This friends next sentence literally destroyed my writing confidence, and with it, a good portion of my self esteem. "Don't bother. You'll never get anyone to publish it. Talented writers wait years to get an agent to get their works published, and they're better than you are." Awesome friend, right? After that, I stopped writing all together. For years. Until Jacquelynn, the best friend, convinced me to start writing again on our own roleplaying site.

Slowly I worked my way back into writing, and I steadily gained confidence back, but never what I had before. I always had that crappy little doubtful sentence in the back of my head. For a while, I focused just on other roleplay stories and little things like that, but nothing big, like making a book out of our first roleplay. And for a long time, I got rid of that stupid little voice telling me I couldn't do it. And when I was dragged into doing NaNoWriMo for the first time, I thought I had gotten rid of that voice for good. Here I was, writing 50,000 words in a single month, with no inner editor to fuck it up. And what came out of that month, was awesome. Rough, but I loved it. It was mine, and it felt like I could make something out of it. I started shaping it up more and more, slowly building the word count higher and higher and higher. And that's when I sent out copies to my beta readers and things started going downhill.

As odd as it seems, especially to me, reading all of Jacquelynn's critiques actually made me more excited to start working on it again. Even after how much it's fallen and lost. We decided to work on it a chunk at a time (10% at a time, by kindle measurements), which makes it much more bearable. I had planned on printing out that ten percent, and since my mother in law is taking Felicity tomorrow afternoon, I thought I would take over that physical copy, a pair of scissors, some tape, and a couple highlighters, over to the theater. Yes, the theater. It's one of my favorite places to be, and if a show or rehearsal isn't going on, one of the quietest places you can go.

Sounds like a good plan right? Well guess what I rediscovered this morning? My printer doesn't work! With all of my pregnancy hormones playing ping pong in my head, I just wanted to cry. I could go print it out at my moms, but I really hate using her paper and ink, since it's so spendy now a days. I could also just try and do it all on my laptop and save the paper and ink, but honestly, I work so much better if I can physically write my edits. I don't know how many others are like that, but it's what I prefer! So now I'm stuck between just doing it, and giving in to that awful little voice in my head that I want so badly to mutilate and set fire to.

Aaaand I just realized how much of a ramble that was to tell you I have nothing to tell you. Ha! Suckers! >. > Yeah…

I'm Alive!

In the famous words of Shaggy: "Zoinks!" (If you didn't get that... There is no hope for you.)

Boy, the last few months have been... interesting to say the least. I was not intending on staying away so long, and I could make up all the usual expectant mother excuses; nausea, back ache, head ache, etc etc. I could throw in the already-a-mother excuses of toddler tantrums, potty training exercises, etc etc.

But, I really don't want to. I had started working on the novel again, just because I felt like it wasn't finished yet, and of course, my poor Mac dies. I mean, this time it died. As in, wouldn't even turn on or anything. So it had to go back to Apple and get fixed (sigh, again) but now that I finally have it back, I have lost the urge to do anything with it. I know I should, because I had a goal of getting it out into the Kindle world by thanksgiving, but I really don't think that's going to happen now. With everything else I have stacked on my plate at the moment, the novel is taking a back seat for a bit. I'm still planning on doing this years NaNoWriMo (I know, I know. I'm insane. Tell me something I don't know!), and am working on the story line and character building and all that. So I think I'll be ready for that, and if my Mac survives it, it will be awesome! In my own, completely unbiased opinion, of course! ;)

Now, if you care to jump on over to my other, and more pregnancy focused, blog, I'll give you updates and even a picture or two. And that's all the advertising I'm doing.

Back to writing... I will say, even though this is totally pregnancy related, that I will be going on bed rest, as ordered by my doc, at the end of the month. So you may be seeing, er, reading a lot more of me than you would care to otherwise, but hey, I may actually get something done while confined to my bed!

Massive Update

Alright, I know I have neglected both this blog and my other blog, but there have been so many things keeping me away, the biggest one being the hormones currently raging through my body forcing me to be best friends with the toilet. I could also blame the theater, for being just so gosh darn addicting, or my beautiful, wonderful, hilarious daughter who doesn't like me paying attention to anything but her. Unless, of course, she decides she doesn't want my attention. Then I'm just not allowed to act like I'm doing something other than noticing she is giving me the cold shoulder. Aren't toddlers wonderful? [/sarcasm]

Now as for the update, as regarding everything Felicity/Family/Pregnancy. I am, as of right now, 9 weeks and 3 days along. I went off island with two of my best friends Gemma and Coral, to help me corral Felicity around, for my first ultrasound this last Wednesday. We took the 8:10am ferry out of Friday Harbor, got into Anacortes dock about 9:30, and made a bee-line for McDonald's. It's been a VERY long time since any of us have been off island, let alone eaten at a McDonald's, and it's what I was craving. Hot cakes with extra butter, sausage, and hash-browns. Mmmmm. It was amazing, and even Felicity ate. Granted, she ate my sausage and most of my hash-browns, but I did get a couple bites of those in!

After that, we headed for Island Hospital, where we sat around in the waiting room, playing hide and seek with Felicity and the chairs. They took me back to get my weight and blood pressure, and I am very happy to report I am starting to gain weight again! Because of my close relationship with the bathroom for the last several weeks, I lost about 5-6 pounds, dropping me down to 122-123 pounds, depending on which scale you look at. On Wednesday, I was my pre-pregnancy weight (and my happy place weight) of 128 lbs. I'm not overly excited to see that number jump by at least 40 pounds. My blood pressure was fantastic, as it usually is since I have my mothers side of the families blessing/curse of low blood pressure.

Once those little exams were finished, I went back out to wait while the ultrasound room was vacated and prepped for me. Now, I'm going to take a moment and share two of my horrible dreams that I had been having for about a week before this appointment. Some of you may know, that the Fourth of July weekend was stressful. We lost one of our baby kittens and had to bury him, and I bled for four days that weekend. So I was having these dreams that I was going to go in, and be told by my doctor that I wasn't pregnant. Or, I was indeed pregnant, but there was no heartbeat. So walking into the ultrasound room, I was a bundle of nerves. Gemma and Coral came in with Felicity and I, and Felicity was very concerned about Mommy on the table while this strange lady poked her tummy. As Dr. Garde examined my uterus before the ultrasound, she got this little frowny face which immediately sent me into extreme panic mode. She switched on the ultrasound and started looking, while I watched the screen nervously. One little bubble came on, then vanished as she moved around, and then suddenly, there were two babies on the screen!! Dr. Garde said, "Ah. That's why you're measuring large, you're having twins!" I started bawling, which scared Felicity, so she starting crying, which made Gemma and Coral start laughing/crying as they watched the screen. Gemma picked Felicity up and brought her over to me, and she latched onto my hand like a lifeline as I told her "It's OK honey, they're happy tears! It's OK!"

That's right. You read that correctly. Chris and I are expecting TWINS! We don't know yet, and may not know until the gender confirming ultrasound in another 8 weeks, if they are fraternal or identical, but we couldn't be more excited about our double dose of blessing!

Another apology

It seems like all I do now is apologize for my absence. I really don't mean to neglect you or the blog, but life gets pretty full sometimes.

I hope you all had a wonderful fourth of July, with lots of friends, family and good food, and awesome fireworks. Mine was… less than awesome, but this whole weekend has stressed me out. Starting with three days of bleeding, and then yesterday at 5:39pm, my little boy kitten died.

So to say the least, I'm not very energized for writing, or really anything else. I'm taking these things really hard, because I feel like there is something I could have, and should have, done, although nothing readily comes to mind. This morning my friend Gemma is coming over and we're going to bury him in one of my gardens, and plant some spearmint over him.

I discovered last night that Chris and I can see the fireworks from our bedroom window, so that was nice, and I felt like it was a good send off for my little boy. Hopefully after the burial, I can perk myself up enough to make it through work, and get back home in one piece. I haven't cried yet, but it may just not have really hit me yet. I did have odd dreams about it last night though…

Keep writing, reading, and loving everything you have. You never know when you might lose it...

I apologize for not posting yesterday, but my cat, who's about a year old, had her first litter of kittens. She had two, a fluffy little boy and a beautiful sleek little girl.

Normally, this would be fantastic news and worthy of some celebration. But, it's not. Rin, Momma Cat, isn't producing milk, and we think because of that, she is rejecting the kittens. She shows very little interest in them, and we're all very concerned about it.

Other than being an idiot, she's acting normal, eating normal, and generally being her typical attention seeking annoying hyper self, so we don't think there is anything medically wrong with her, like having another kitten stuck in her belly. (I couldn't feel anything when palpitating her tummy) So my friend Gemma and I went to our local pet supply store and bought some kitten milk replacer and have been attempting to feed the kittens. It's… not going so well. They really hate the little plastic syringe we have, and the ready-made bottles we got expired in 2009!! We've gotten them to pee, no poo yet, and eat maybe a drop or two at a time, but that's about it. They're otherwise pretty vocal and active, which is good, and we got a heating pad which we keep on one half of their box on the low setting, to help keep them warm like their mother should be doing. Gemma had them last night, since I haven't had a straight nights sleep in a while, and because of my growing baby bump and chasing a toddler, I'm exhausted and don't have the energy to feed them every two hours. I most definitely have the will to do it, and I will be taking over in another day or so, but for now, I'm focusing on getting some real sleep.

If you have had any experience with kittens this young (They are roughly 39 hours old) I would be immensely grateful if you would share. We tried contacting the Animal Shelter for help, but they haven't responded, so today we are going out to Wolf Hollow, our wild animal rescue center, and see if they have a rubber nipple we could borrow, and some tips on how to get them to eat. Hopefully our little bundles of furry joy make it!

Guest Blog!

I know I don't have a scheduled post today, but I just couldn't resist! Today is the day when my guest blog on IntelliGender goes up, and I have the link for it right here!

It's so insane to see my work on another blog, especially one that has so many followers and other people reading it. I really hope that by reading my post for them, that women take heart and know that things do get better.

If you want something bad enough, it will happen. It just takes time, patience, and a strong will coupled with luck. I know later on, I will be posting a comment on it announcing my pregnancy, so that they read my story and get that last little bit of "she did it, so can I" hope.

I'm just so excited, and I really hope that this is the start to more guest blogs on other sites!

Keep writing, reading, loving and hoping!

Wonderful Wednesdays

Ah Wednesday. The middle of the week. It's one of my favorite days because of Wii Tea, and today is no different. Gemma and I have spent the day playing Wii, deep frying mozzarella sticks, eating donuts, and chasing after Felicity as she runs around the store/house.

It's one of those wacky fun days that makes you just plain ol' happy. With the approach of the 4th, we're not sure what we're going to do. Last year was a lot of fun, with Felicity actually awake during the fireworks, and this year we think it will be more of the same, and hopefully Friday Harbor's fireworks aren't lame.

Later on, we're planning on making beignets again, so that will make my already cluttered kitchen an absolute mess, but hey, it will be fun! Hopefully Felicity will be a helper and not a hindrance. She's usually pretty awesome with helping in the kitchen, she loves to cook with me (yay!) but sometimes she's a little… too enthusiastic.

As for my writing, I've been focusing on recharging my batteries, so I haven't touched my novel in a week or two, instead I've been roleplaying with some of my friends in the online community, and just writing short little stories and scenes for a later novel. It's been nice to allow my brain to focus on something other than my book, even though I do miss my beloved characters sometimes. That's just what you've gotta do sometimes!

Now I must depart, while my keyboard gets a break from Felicity trying to help me write today's post… Keep writing, reading, baking, cooking, and smiling!!

Boooooo!

This little girl is showing exactly how I feel right now. I've said before that my friends and I get together every Wednesday for fun, Wii dancing and tea. Well, we have had to cancel this week because Coral has caught pink eye. I can't remember if I have ever had it, probably in my younger years, but I've heard that it sucks. Like, epically so.

After googling it and reading up on it on WebMD, I was annoyed at how little the scientific world actually knows about it. So this morning I called my aunt, who is a nurse at my uncles (who's a doctor) office, and asked her what the probability of Felicity catching it on Wednesday is. She asked if Coral was on antibiotics, and I told her no. She did one of those "ah" sounds that I have come to always associate with bad news. And bad news came. Because she's not on antibiotics, it's a viral infection that is contagious until all of the gross stuff goes away, which could take up to two weeks.

Because it's viral, it is contagious through the air and not just by touching like bacterial pink eye is, which means Gemma, Felicity and I have a high probability of catching it if we had our Wii Tea day. My aunt went on to tell me that it has the potential to be very bad for me, if I were to catch it. Because, as a freshly preggo woman, my immune system is already down, and since I already have difficulty keeping pregnancies, the virus could either mess up the pregnancy, or just make it go away. That in itself was enough to make me want to paint a big ol' red X on my door and put Felicity and I in a plastic bubble.

It's much more depressing than that even, because this was our first scavenger hunt Wednesday too. I've never hosted one before, and even though I've participated in them, never done one myself. So this Wednesday, since it's at my house this week, that's what we were going to do. I have the clues all written, a bit of money set aside for treats and the grand prize, but we've had to cancel it until next week, or maybe even the week after that. The wind has been taken out from my sail, and I really really hope that Coral gets better soon!

Aside from that morning sadness, the potluck yesterday was awesome. Lots of cool people, including a fellow Lion ( who finally got to meet Chris and Felicity), were there. Jane has an amazing house with this awesome lawn that we played around on with Felicity and another little girl Siri. It was a lot of fun, and everyone enjoyed my pasta salad, which is awesome, but not. Awesome that they liked it, but they ate so much of it there's not a lot of leftovers for us! Hehehe.

And after several nights off from the play (which feels really weird…) it's back to the grindstone tonight as we focus on our two main characters, Moon and Birdboot. It will be very interesting to see how they are doing, especially after them each getting vocal and accent training from Deb. It will be a lot of fun I think, and I'm looking forward to a long night of rehearsal.

My final thing to share, is just to remind all of my readers, if you are interested, my guest blog post will be going up on IntelliGenders site this Thursday. I'm hoping you all like it, but please note that my subject is not an easy one to read, let alone write. I'm writing on my experiences with miscarriage, and while I very very much wish that women who read it will understand they aren't alone in this depressing emotional struggle, this is a piece of my story and not by any means typical. Also on the IntelliGender note, I received my complimentary test from them yesterday! I'm so very excited to try it and see if the old wives tales, and the chinese birth chart, are correct. It will be fun, and I have about four weeks left until I can try it. It's always so hard to wait for exciting things to happen!

Keeping writing, waiting, smiling, laughing, and sometimes if you need to, crying. But always keep loving! Happy Monday all :)

Sunny Sunday's

Ah, my favorite post of the week. I love writing about all of the positive things that has happened this week, to keep myself happy and smiling. Some weeks I'll admit, it's harder to find those good things, but there is always something!

It has been almost a week, (tomorrow), since I found out I was pregnant, and Tuesday marks my 6th week. I cannot even begin to explain how happy I am, even though I know that I have a very high chance of losing this baby. But that is something that does not belong in my sunny Sundays!

We found out Monday night at nearly  midnight. I came home from having a spa night with two of my girlfriends, and had this voice in the back of my head saying that I should take a test. I asked Chris about it, and he said I might as well take one, so I could sleep on it and not have it ruin my morning/day if it's negative. Neither one of us was expecting it to have two little pink lines! Ever since then, I've started researching again. Touching up on what is happening now (Baby has a heart beat now!) and things like that. Of course, being bored, I have looked at baby names, but I think Chris and I have our top names for both boy and girl, and unless we come across a sign like we did with Felicity, it won't change!

Now for those of you who don't enjoy reading pregnancy stuff, I do have other happy news!

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that I volunteer at the community theater, and I'm on my eighth show in a row. This show is called The Real Inspector Hound, and it's hilarious. A play within a play, and our actors are amazing. I am stage managing that, and our director Jane is hosting a mid-rehearsal potluck in honor of all of our hard work so far, and to help keep it up for the rest of the run. I'm making a pasta salad, one of my favorite things to eat, to take. It starts at 4:26. Yes. Our director is very precise, hehe.

As for the story behind the balloon picture, my daughter Felicity loves balloons. There are few things that she loves more than balloons and this morning she woke me up by thumping one on my head. That one was given to me, and we started the morning out with a balloon war, getting Daddy a couple times in the process. (It wasn't on purpose… well, maybe a little.) As I write this post, I am still being bombarded with balloons while Felicity laughs loudly. Oh, I did leave out that she brought me breakfast in bed. I made blueberry muffins yesterday, and she ran out of the room, I heard her thump down the stairs, and then back up, and she handed me a muffin. It's pretty darn cute, and I couldn't think of a better way to start the morning.

Keep writing, smiling, baking and playing!

Saturday Mornin' Cartoon

Baby Bump Summer

Yes, I am pregnant! No, you cannot touch my belly!

These are the words I lived by during my first pregnancy. It seemed everyone I talked to, or even people that would look over at me and start to walk towards me, I would recite this to them. Some people weren't bothered by my refusal to let them use me as a petting zoo, others didn't take it so well.

Why does the presence of a baby bump turn what would otherwise be considered assault into Rub the Belly time? But I am getting ahead of myself, and slightly off topic. The reason for this awesome posting, instead of bombarding you of pictures I have taken this week, is to announce that I'm expecting!

Yes, I'm pregnant. No, you can't touch my belly.

I found out Monday night after coming home from a spa night with my gal pals. It was almost midnight when I got home, and I had this urge to take a pregnancy test. I was expecting my period on Tuesday, so I had started taking pregnancy tests on Thursday, but even the ones I took on Sunday turned up Negative. Very depressing, especially when you have an ovulation kit and were pretty darn sure that your eggo turned preggo. So Monday, I grabbed a test from the cupboard and I asked my darling hubby if I should take one before I went to bed. He said that if it was negative, I would sleep on it and it wouldn't mess up my whole day in the morning. Since I did have to work and go to play rehearsal on Tuesday, I thought that sounded good. I went into the bathroom, took the test, and left it on the counter while I got into my pjs.

I went to check it and nearly exploded. Two little pink lines. I ran back into the bedroom, flung the test at the hubster and grabbed the box, checking the little pamphlet, making sure that I really wasn't going nuts from wishing. After he confirmed there were two little pink lines, we hugged, I cried, he didn't let me jump up and down with joy…

And after several days, I just can't hold back the knowledge anymore. Even though I know there is still a great chance that we may miscarry this baby, I want people to know, so if that happens, I have support. That was one mistake I made before, not telling anyone. Because I didn't tell, when I did miscarry, I had to explain why I was depressed, and that just made it worse. So now, even if I have to retract this announcement, I know I will be alright. Well, as alright as one can be.

But for now, it's all positive (hehe) thoughts! Hmm… -wanders off on google search of baby names-

Aaahh, such beautiful sun! Unfortunately today, for some reason, blogger doesn't want me to add images to my post today. I was planning on giving you some photos of my garden and the glorious flowers in this morning sunlight. Today I am going to take a break from posting about my stories and the fight between publishers, and just enjoy the morning.

Today, at One o'clock, I am getting my first tattoo. I have been trypanophobic since I was about six years old. Trypanophobic essentially means that I have the extreme and irrational fear of needles. It's so bad that sitting in the same room with needles, any kind, causes me to go into a panic attack and hyperventilate. I have been working on overcoming this fear for several years now, and I'm usually able to handle sewing needles now. I still have trouble getting shots, and when my daughter was younger and getting all of those vaccines, that was a horrible experience for me. It caused her pain, which made my heart ache, but then adding in the needle thing and it was almost unbearable. I'm not sure who cried more during those appointments!

So this is the final step in my recovery. I made the appointment a week ago, and have had the whole week to back out. I haven't. I told the artist about my fears, and instead of brushing them off like most people do, more often than not, he showed me "the hot seat", his guns, the paints, and then showed me the needles that he would be using. Because my design is pretty small, and I'm getting it on my forearm, he doesn't have to use a large needle. He explained that his needles are shipped to him completely sterilized in individual packages, and that each one is actually like a paintbrush of needles, and by that I mean that each needle is actually lots of little ones squished together. The one that he said he would be using the most on me today is 18 needles in total, and because of that it feels more like a vibration across my skin instead of a single needle piercing over and over (even though I know it still goes into my skin).

This morning I woke up anxious, but that excited sort of anxiety. My friends Gemma and Coral will be there with me, Gemma having gotten her first tattoo about a month ago up in Bellingham, and Coral is still a "tattoo virgin" as the artist referred to us. It is now a game of hurry up and wait until one…

Keep writing and whatever it is that you do in this awesome sun!

Manic Monday

Now, I'm generally not a Garfield type of person. I usually don't mind Monday's except if something bad happens. I'm not saying something bad has happened today, but there seems to be that sort of cloud hanging over my head. It may be the fact that I am expecting things to go wrong, like the optimistic pessimist that I am. I am always positive that things will go wrong. I'm a firm believer in Murphy's Law as well.

Have you ever watched that movie 9 to 5 starring Dolly Parton and based on her song? I love that movie, and while I don't have a womanizing arse of a boss that I want to murder while wearing a cowgirl outfit, I have been hit by the lyric from the song "They use your mind and never give you credit" today. I'm not going to give specific's, because I truly do love the people I work with, but there are sometimes when you just get fed up with being treated like a worthless child who knows nothing. And I'm kind of tired of the surprised shock people get on their faces when I turn out to be capable of what they asked me to do. I love volunteering, and I have referred to it as a home away from home before, and I truly mean that. They really are like a second family to me, and because of that, there are always little dysfunctions and squabbles. Most are forgivable and heat-of-the-moment annoyances, and are well worth the end result. But I'm on my seventh (or is it eighth?) show in a row right now, which I have done lighting, sound design and running of the sound board, teaching, assisting, managing, cleaning, painting… in short, I have done everything and just about anything I'm asked to. I pour myself into these shows, and most times, I'm left out of the congratulations band wagon.

Well, I guess that's enough complaining. I feel better being able to expel some of my aggression, even though it's just here and mostly hot-air. There really isn't anything I would rather be doing. So far this morning, I think I've dealt with just about every emotion there is. I woke up fearful and anxious, terrified when Felicity fell off the bed, frustrated when my four month old puppy peed in her kennel (we had been doing so well!), happy and entertained when Felicity played with her bubble gun, surprised when one of my best friends Coral brought these awesome no-bake cookies over, (She made them with Nutella instead of peanut butter. Awesome, I have to say. And I don't even like nutella!), I was angry with myself when I broke my friendship bracelet, and right now I'm that odd combination of contentedly exhausted and energized. I've replied to all of my current roleplays that I have going, scrubbed the floor, gave the dogs a walk, wrangled Felicity into a diaper for nap time, and now, once I finish with this bit of writing, I am going to move the couches so I can sweep under them and then scrub that little piece of flooring. Then it's onto the kitchen counters and stove, then the windows, water the plants both indoor and outdoor, give Felicity her lunch when she wakes up, and then, if I have time and haven't dropped from exhaustion, I will shower both myself and Felicity, and clean the tub simultaneously. Then, it's off to rehearsal and then to Coral and Gemma's house for a girls night with more of those delicious no-bake cookies, milk, ice cream, and probably some home spa time with a good chick flick. Ahhh Manic Mondays!

Keep writing, working, smiling, and all around being happy!!

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all of you wonderful fathers out there! We are having a lazy day here in the Schubert household, with a breakfast of bacon, sausage, eggs and toast with a giant mug of coffee for Daddy, followed by good morning kisses from both his girls (Felicity and me), and some cute snuggles from Felicity.

And now that Felicity is down for her nap, Daddy is getting some gaming time on the computer with a new game he bought himself for Father's Day. I've been working on my blog post for the IntelliGender, so it works out great. We are set to have dinner with his folks tonight, which I am hoping will be quiet and fun.

I was planning on making this huge ol' post about the different types of fathers, but I wanted to stay focused on the good dads. There are several types of "dads", those who donate their DNA then run, those who are abusive towards the mothers, and more of that kind of 'dad'.

But today is the day we celebrate and honor the GOOD fathers. The ones who are always there for their children, even if they are separated from the mom, or not. I am very blessed to be married to one of those fathers. Who takes time to play with our daughter even when he's dead tired from work, even when he's grumpy from too little sleep. It's so obvious to anyone watching how much he loves Felicity, and how much she truly loves him.

I am so happy to be able to say that I don't know very many of the bad dads. I do know a few, but they are far outnumbered by the ones who are active in the lives of their children, and for that, I raise a toast! To all of the awesome daddies out there! Happy fathers day!