So yesterday was… awesome. Both in the good way and the most sarcastic way you can imagine. On the upswing, I've broken 10k. On the downside, those words kept me up most of the night because I didn't write at all until the sun went down and I was in bed. Why the heck did you do that? You may ask.
Well. I got my first bout of painful contractions. Not just Braxton Hicks, these were so painful that I felt like I needed to stay around the bathroom, or at least have a heavy-weight bag around me at all times. This is starting two weeks earlier than it did with Felicity, which makes sense. One week for each twin. -pokes babies- 12 weeks! 12 weeks, you hear me?! We have an appointment, thankfully, not too far away, with my OB in Anacortes and she'll be able to make sure everything is alright. I went to my Uncle's office and got checked out, and my cervix is still tightly closed, but soft. Blah. If that thing has moved at all by our appointment, I think I'll just request a cerclage. (If you don't know what that is, I don't suggest goggling it.) Suffice it to say, it keeps my cervix shut!
After that, I came home and since Chris was on his lunch, he made me and Felicity some food, and got her set up with a movie so she could zone out and nap. Which she did. Which made it possible for me to nap. So about 1 o'clock, both Felicity and I took a nap until about… 4:30-ish. When I got up, I made more food, then laid in bed until Chris got home while Lissy ran around the house chasing the kittens. Once he did get home, we started work on making curtains and a tablecloth for my baby shower on Sunday. I swear if I didn't enjoy sewing so much, and if that machine wasn't my mothers, I would have thrown that blasted thing across the living room. I knocked out two curtains like nothin', but when I went to sew my tablecloth, something happened that made all hell break loose. No freaking idea what caused it, but first the bobbin wouldn't thread neatly. Then it wouldn't fit into it's little hole so I could thread the machine. Then when I finally got it threaded, the stupid hook kept grabbing the needle's thread and pulling it down into the bobbin area, making it jam. I can't tell you how many times I rethreaded the whole dang-blasted machine. I was so frustrated. I was tired, cranky, frustrated, and really upset that it was now almost 11 o'clock and I had yet to write a single word today. Finally, I gave up and made a cup of chai. I turned off the machine, made my chai, then switched it back on again. That was something I had done before, that hadn't worked. But this time, for some unknown reason, the stupid machine WORKED. I was flabbergasted, but went with it. So with Under the Tuscan Sun playing in the background, I finished that blasted tablecloth and went to bed to write. I don't know if it was sheer hatred at that machine that turned me into a writing machine, but whatever it was, I didn't realize how much I'd done in so little time until Chris came upstairs, took my computer, saved the work and put it to bed. I got up this morning to check it, expecting I'd have about 7 thousand words or so, considering I started out at just over 6k. Nope. 10023 words. Reading it, there are pieces that aren't the most coherent, but wth. I'm going with it. November is not National Editing Month. That's December :)
So now, I am going to shower, do my morning routine, do a word sprint, get dressed, do a word sprint, go run my errands then come home and do another word sprint before I head over to the theater to do nothing but write consistently for… almost 5 hours. -squee- Which means I get to see Steve ^^ I can't tell you how much I have missed my theater family, and I'm so excited to see them today, even if it's just a quick hug and hello as I make my way to the green room to settle myself into my novel.
I hope you fellow WriMo's out there are doing fantastic, and I know you can do it! A writer does not write because they want to, they write because they need to. Oh, and a good quote from Chris Baty himself: "If you don't see a bunch of red and green squiggly lines, you're doing it wrong."
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The Beginning of NaNo
My first and second days of NaNo I would say have been a success. Despite not feeling any sort of creativity, I have forced 6,039 words out of my now tired fingers over the course of yesterday and today. Yesterday's count was 3,456 words, today was 2,583. Definitely more than the minimum, but I can't help but feel disappointed in myself for not beating yesterdays score, which was my intention. In order to match it, I needed to have written a total of 6,912 words. Just under 900 words short. I probably could have done it if I hadn't gone to coffee with my girlfriends this morning, but hey. I needed a chai and a pumpkin muffin with cream cheese frosting. -jealous much? :)
Now, I am off to bed before my hubby clubs me over the head to knock me out :) Good night all, and I will let you know how tomorrow ends!
Now, I am off to bed before my hubby clubs me over the head to knock me out :) Good night all, and I will let you know how tomorrow ends!
Monday, October 31, 2011
And so it (almost) begins!
Less than 24 hours until the start of November! And it's Halloween!
I am a big fan of fall. The slight chill to the air, the changing colors going from the greens of the summer to oranges, reds, and browns, and who could forget the fantastic food that comes around?? We have Halloween, today, (which is the epitome of hypocrisy, little kids asking strangers for candy, women encouraged to dress (even more) like prostitutes, and it's OK to scare the poor little kids) with it's cider and truckloads of candy (mmm) and coming up on it's heels is Thanksgiving.
This will be the second year we spend Thanksgiving without my grandmother, which is always difficult, but it's starting to get easier. The food, the family, the warmth... it's something I truly enjoy. And, since I'm pregnant, I get a guilt-free card to eat all I want, even a second or third helping of pumpkin pie! ^^
And of course, NaNoWriMo. How could anyone forget that? The month out of the year where it's OK to completely ignore family, friends, life in general, in order to push yourself further into the folds of becoming a writer. Best part? Most everyone understands! Especially once explained. Last year, which was my first year of attempting NaNo, I had lots of people give me funny looks and ask just what the hell was I thinking. Oh they had faith in be, don't get me wrong, but when you think about it, writing 50,000 words or more, in only thirty days, does seem a bit... insane. I spend the entire month of October researching, plotting, and detailing out my world, characters, and little pieces that I need to know in order to write effectively. I feel more prepared this year than I do last year, even though last year I had the entire story plotted out. This year, I have my characters more developed (just last night I found my Bad Guy name -whew!-), and I have a basic idea of where the end of the story will end up, but I only really plotted out the first half. There are so many roads this story could take, and I wanted to leave it up to the characters. So that's what I'm doing.
Which, by the way, totally pisses my Inner Editor off! Muwhahahaa.
For most of November, I will be on doc ordered bed rest, so I have very little excuse not to win this year. Even with an active almost-three-year-old on my back and two little gymnasts in my belly. My goal this year it to actually hit 100k, not just 50k. Yep, that's pretty damn insane, but it's only 3k words a day as opposed to roughly, 1.6k. If I don't hit 100k... well, I'll still have won by hitting 50! So that's my goal for NaNo....
Now... What are you dressing up as for Halloween, if anything? Are you going trick -or- treating? Or just tricking? >:)
I am a big fan of fall. The slight chill to the air, the changing colors going from the greens of the summer to oranges, reds, and browns, and who could forget the fantastic food that comes around?? We have Halloween, today, (which is the epitome of hypocrisy, little kids asking strangers for candy, women encouraged to dress (even more) like prostitutes, and it's OK to scare the poor little kids) with it's cider and truckloads of candy (mmm) and coming up on it's heels is Thanksgiving.
This will be the second year we spend Thanksgiving without my grandmother, which is always difficult, but it's starting to get easier. The food, the family, the warmth... it's something I truly enjoy. And, since I'm pregnant, I get a guilt-free card to eat all I want, even a second or third helping of pumpkin pie! ^^
And of course, NaNoWriMo. How could anyone forget that? The month out of the year where it's OK to completely ignore family, friends, life in general, in order to push yourself further into the folds of becoming a writer. Best part? Most everyone understands! Especially once explained. Last year, which was my first year of attempting NaNo, I had lots of people give me funny looks and ask just what the hell was I thinking. Oh they had faith in be, don't get me wrong, but when you think about it, writing 50,000 words or more, in only thirty days, does seem a bit... insane. I spend the entire month of October researching, plotting, and detailing out my world, characters, and little pieces that I need to know in order to write effectively. I feel more prepared this year than I do last year, even though last year I had the entire story plotted out. This year, I have my characters more developed (just last night I found my Bad Guy name -whew!-), and I have a basic idea of where the end of the story will end up, but I only really plotted out the first half. There are so many roads this story could take, and I wanted to leave it up to the characters. So that's what I'm doing.
Which, by the way, totally pisses my Inner Editor off! Muwhahahaa.
For most of November, I will be on doc ordered bed rest, so I have very little excuse not to win this year. Even with an active almost-three-year-old on my back and two little gymnasts in my belly. My goal this year it to actually hit 100k, not just 50k. Yep, that's pretty damn insane, but it's only 3k words a day as opposed to roughly, 1.6k. If I don't hit 100k... well, I'll still have won by hitting 50! So that's my goal for NaNo....
Now... What are you dressing up as for Halloween, if anything? Are you going trick -or- treating? Or just tricking? >:)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
It doesn't seem like it's been an entire year since I first signed up for this odd writing frenzy, but then, at the same time, it seems like November has taken forever to get here. Perhaps it's because I competed, and won, Script Frenzy this past april, with 119 pages. Or maybe it's because I spent most of the year dwelling on my previous NaNo book. Either way, it's almost time again, and I couldn't be more excited or nervous.
Unlike last year, I will be doing everything via my Mac, instead of stealing Chris's PC. So doing it only on a laptop will be a change in itself, but I will also be on bed rest. I know I said I wouldn't talk much about my pregnancy on this blog, since this is my writing blog, but hey, pregnancy kind of overlaps everything else in life.
In a way, being on bed rest gives me an excuse to constantly write, whenever I want, without having other distractions get to me. None of the 'I think I'll go for a walk…' or 'I can put off writing for a few hours to go to lunch…' because I won't be allowed to do those things. I think the hardest part will be keeping my toddler entertained, and keeping myself away from hulu and facebook. I may even have to have Chris set up a secret password so I can't get online until he connects it for me, and only after I've completed my daily word count. This will certainly be an interesting, but hella fun year!
Right now, I'm waiting on the new NaNo site to finish the final touches so I can add my writing buddies, get my word count widget on my dashboard, and a few other fun things I like to have around. I've completed my rough synopsis, which I will share with you, filled out my novel and author information, and have made it about halfway through my rough sketch of what the book will look like. I've got timelines, fashion timelines, even some random information about logging before there were chainsaws and heavy machinery! I am certainly excited about how much research will be going into this novel (yes, I'm a researching nerd. I love it!) and am finally starting to feel as pumped about writing this as before. I hope this feeling sticks around!
Now… just to find a new shoe box to keep my inner editor in…. Last years got pretty torn up! :D
Monday, October 10, 2011
Anyone else feeling this way?
I don't know if it's just the pregnancy hormones, the stresses of the last couple days, or what, but I seem to have hit a snag in my excitement about NaNo. I've been so excited since I completed Script Frenzy to November to come, but now that it's almost here, I've been hit with a strong case of the "meh"s.
Chris, my awesome hubby and main muse, has been helping me work through a couple tight spots in my story line, but the last few nights, I've sat down and just… stared. Stared at really nothing, my screen yes, but the words weren't really sinking in of what I'd already come up with, and no fresh ideas were forth coming. I think I've settled on most of the character names, but again, mostly "meh", none of the "That is SO their name!" that I had last year. Don't get me wrong, Iwas am just as passionate about this story as I was with my previous one. Maybe even a little more so, because this time around, I'm writing out of my comfort zone (it is a romance after all. And no making cracks about "I'm a woman so romance is always in my comfort zone"). But it's more than just that, I love the 1880's. I love that era in general. And that's when this story is set, so I already have that fueling my writing, and it's a story that I would want to read. And for the last six months, I've read A LOT of historical romance novels. They're short, sweet, and are great little day passers (since they last me about 3 hours tops). But the stories always seemed to be missing something to me, and now that I'm going to write my own, I have this fantastic new insight. It doesn't matter if others like it, because it's something I would read and enjoy.
I've really struggled this last year with my identity as a writer, and as much as I don't like this new meh-sickness I've developed, it's brought on a positive change in me.
Now, I don't have everything ironed out (there are still a bunch of crinkles and holes in my story!) but that will come during November, I think. Right now, I'm just trying to get the basics penned out and researched, so I don't have to waste time with that during November. I already know that there will be two days that I won't be able to write anything. The 6th (my baby shower) and my ultrasound appointment near the end of November. Thanksgiving… well, I'll probably end up writing because I will have all day to not be in a turkey induced coma :)
Speaking of researching, I got this, supposedly 'awesome', program for my Mac called Scrivener. Now, I had never heard of this before, but was told that it was one of the best writing programs out there, and that it would make my researching, storing, story-boarding, etc so much easier. I wouldn't have to jump between programs for my lists and factoids, and I'd only have one window open so no cluttering up my 15" laptop screen with a bunch of windows. I thought that sounded pretty darn good! So I got it. And I wish I hadn't.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure for someone who has been using it for a while, and knows the ins and outs, it's great. But… Not only am I so confused about how to use this thing, I'm not even sure it would be compatible with my other writing program stuff. Heck, I'm not sure I'm compatible with this thing. I don't know, maybe it's just the first 48 hours of buyers remorse kicking in, and that in a few days, after trying to use it, it will grow on me and become my new best writing buddy. We shall see!
Chris, my awesome hubby and main muse, has been helping me work through a couple tight spots in my story line, but the last few nights, I've sat down and just… stared. Stared at really nothing, my screen yes, but the words weren't really sinking in of what I'd already come up with, and no fresh ideas were forth coming. I think I've settled on most of the character names, but again, mostly "meh", none of the "That is SO their name!" that I had last year. Don't get me wrong, I
I've really struggled this last year with my identity as a writer, and as much as I don't like this new meh-sickness I've developed, it's brought on a positive change in me.
Now, I don't have everything ironed out (there are still a bunch of crinkles and holes in my story!) but that will come during November, I think. Right now, I'm just trying to get the basics penned out and researched, so I don't have to waste time with that during November. I already know that there will be two days that I won't be able to write anything. The 6th (my baby shower) and my ultrasound appointment near the end of November. Thanksgiving… well, I'll probably end up writing because I will have all day to not be in a turkey induced coma :)
Speaking of researching, I got this, supposedly 'awesome', program for my Mac called Scrivener. Now, I had never heard of this before, but was told that it was one of the best writing programs out there, and that it would make my researching, storing, story-boarding, etc so much easier. I wouldn't have to jump between programs for my lists and factoids, and I'd only have one window open so no cluttering up my 15" laptop screen with a bunch of windows. I thought that sounded pretty darn good! So I got it. And I wish I hadn't.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure for someone who has been using it for a while, and knows the ins and outs, it's great. But… Not only am I so confused about how to use this thing, I'm not even sure it would be compatible with my other writing program stuff. Heck, I'm not sure I'm compatible with this thing. I don't know, maybe it's just the first 48 hours of buyers remorse kicking in, and that in a few days, after trying to use it, it will grow on me and become my new best writing buddy. We shall see!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
NaNoWriMo 2011
It's almost time again! 30 more days until the glorious opening day of National Novel Writing Month!! I can't explain how excited I am to write again this year, and I've even brought a friend into it as well! So stoked to have another writing buddy (and competitor!).
Now, this year will be especially difficult, but probably not as difficult as it will be next year. As I've mentioned before, Chris and I are expecting twins sometime in February 2012. I've already had a couple of complications, and am technically on house arrest, issued by my doc. It's not bed rest (thank goodness!) but by the time November rolls around, I may very well be on strict bed rest!
I have mixed feelings about attempting NaNo this year, while pregnant. I'm super excited because it gets me back into writing and gives me a chance to focus on something other than last years NaNo project. November last year, while interestingly challenging, was probably one of the most fun times I had all year, and I am thoroughly looking forward to meeting my new characters and roaming through their world as I build it.
On the other hand, I relied heavily on sugary snacks and coffee last year, neither of which I can have this time around. Coffee because it makes my heart have panic attacks (well, palpitations is the proper word for it), and my body is super sensitive to sugar since being pregnant. Seriously. A single piece of candy corn will come back up as quickly as it went down. So no caffeine or sugar, added on top of already exhausted preggo-ness. Hey, twins take a lot of energy to create!
So I have a couple more things stacked up against me this year, but I love being challenged, and I am definitely looking forward to tackling it! I even discovered that apple created (or is supporting, whatever) a widget just for syncing up with your NaNo account and keeping track of your progress on your dashboard. How totally awesome it that?! You can bet your sweet little head I downloaded that! I'm a little disappointed that the new NaNoWriMo site won't be up and revealed until Oct. 10th, but I supposed I can wait. Cue dramatic sigh and hand on forehead.
If the hubs and I calculated our monthly income properly, I will have enough cushion to order some motivation from the NaNo store. Totally excited about getting stuff! They have a bunch of fantastic merchandise, and if you haven't checked it out, you totally should. One of the things I'd love to get, maybe for a week three prize?, is this coffee mug that has their logo and a little quote saying "Keep writing now! (Ask questions later!)". I love it, and it's totally what I need to remember to do. My inner editor likes to try and sneak back in every once in a while. That is of course because I smack him (yes, my editor is a Him. Don't ask me why!) with a bat and stuff him back into his shoebox. (Yes, I keep him in a shoebox during November. Don't worry, it's a very nice shoebox ^^)
I've been spending the better part of the last 6 months (since the end of Script Frenzy) coming up with ideas for this year, and plotting out how those events should play out. I've pointed out before that I am a type-A personality, planted firmly in Perfect and Control country. (If you don't get that reference, go check out The Flag Page Test). I like knowing what I plan on writing, what events I'm planning to put in, all of that, before I even start writing. Granted, a lot of times during the month, things change and I deviate from my initial plan. But oddly enough, I'm ok with that. In fact, I love it. But having a list before starting the month really makes me feel more prepared and comfortable. It let's me know that I have a back-up plan if I get really stuck. Which can, and does, happen!
Now, before I fall asleep, I need to google some 1800's travel systems! And that's about the only hint you're gonna get! Until I feel like giving you another one. -wink wink-
Now, this year will be especially difficult, but probably not as difficult as it will be next year. As I've mentioned before, Chris and I are expecting twins sometime in February 2012. I've already had a couple of complications, and am technically on house arrest, issued by my doc. It's not bed rest (thank goodness!) but by the time November rolls around, I may very well be on strict bed rest!
I have mixed feelings about attempting NaNo this year, while pregnant. I'm super excited because it gets me back into writing and gives me a chance to focus on something other than last years NaNo project. November last year, while interestingly challenging, was probably one of the most fun times I had all year, and I am thoroughly looking forward to meeting my new characters and roaming through their world as I build it.
On the other hand, I relied heavily on sugary snacks and coffee last year, neither of which I can have this time around. Coffee because it makes my heart have panic attacks (well, palpitations is the proper word for it), and my body is super sensitive to sugar since being pregnant. Seriously. A single piece of candy corn will come back up as quickly as it went down. So no caffeine or sugar, added on top of already exhausted preggo-ness. Hey, twins take a lot of energy to create!
So I have a couple more things stacked up against me this year, but I love being challenged, and I am definitely looking forward to tackling it! I even discovered that apple created (or is supporting, whatever) a widget just for syncing up with your NaNo account and keeping track of your progress on your dashboard. How totally awesome it that?! You can bet your sweet little head I downloaded that! I'm a little disappointed that the new NaNoWriMo site won't be up and revealed until Oct. 10th, but I supposed I can wait. Cue dramatic sigh and hand on forehead.
If the hubs and I calculated our monthly income properly, I will have enough cushion to order some motivation from the NaNo store. Totally excited about getting stuff! They have a bunch of fantastic merchandise, and if you haven't checked it out, you totally should. One of the things I'd love to get, maybe for a week three prize?, is this coffee mug that has their logo and a little quote saying "Keep writing now! (Ask questions later!)". I love it, and it's totally what I need to remember to do. My inner editor likes to try and sneak back in every once in a while. That is of course because I smack him (yes, my editor is a Him. Don't ask me why!) with a bat and stuff him back into his shoebox. (Yes, I keep him in a shoebox during November. Don't worry, it's a very nice shoebox ^^)
I've been spending the better part of the last 6 months (since the end of Script Frenzy) coming up with ideas for this year, and plotting out how those events should play out. I've pointed out before that I am a type-A personality, planted firmly in Perfect and Control country. (If you don't get that reference, go check out The Flag Page Test). I like knowing what I plan on writing, what events I'm planning to put in, all of that, before I even start writing. Granted, a lot of times during the month, things change and I deviate from my initial plan. But oddly enough, I'm ok with that. In fact, I love it. But having a list before starting the month really makes me feel more prepared and comfortable. It let's me know that I have a back-up plan if I get really stuck. Which can, and does, happen!
Now, before I fall asleep, I need to google some 1800's travel systems! And that's about the only hint you're gonna get! Until I feel like giving you another one. -wink wink-
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Arrrg.
So I was hoping to be able to proclaim that I have finished the novel. Nope. Not gonna happen. I realized that with each edit I did, it was to please other people, not myself. I didn't start writing to please others. Now, I know that there is a degree of pleasing others that every author has to contend with. Writing for the audience and all that. But that shouldn't suck all the fun out of writing or editing.
I had 4 beta readers who helped me get feedback so I could do all the editing I did. But the more I edited, based solely on what these readers thought, the more I ended up cutting, and the more skeletal the book looked. After the last edit I did, I looked down at my word count and realized I had cut almost 15 thousand words without adding a single one. I realized that I was no longer writing for myself and my characters. I was writing to please somebody else.
And that's when I knew I wasn't going to get my book out by thanksgiving. Which was my original plan. Now, being a perfectionist, and always having a plan and being rather inflexible, this really messed with my head. I got overwhelmed at how much I needed to put back into my world and how much life I needed to breathe back into my characters. I just looked at my pitiful story and cried.
So I called in my best friend and favorite genius. I asked her if she'd be willing to help me edit and go through the book and figure out why it was so messed up. It's always been difficult for me to edit my own stuff, because to me, it all makes perfect sense. I know the story, I know the plot twists, I know my characters, and I know the minute details. But, unfortunately, no one else does. So it's always hard trying to relay exactly what I mean, without giving away too much, and without sounding overly concerned with details. (I am often prone to over detailing the landscape, because descriptive things like that are some of my favorite things to write.)
So I sent her my poor, pitiful, emaciated story and she stuck it on her kindle and started making notes. One of the reasons I love asking her for advice is because, even though I'm her friend, she is always brutally honest. And that is what I needed right now, even though I physically flinched at some of the critiques. I know it's not a smack at me or my writing ability, but she is trying to help me make this the best it can be. And really, I think that's the only reason why I haven't scrapped the whole project.
Some of you may not know of one particular piece of my writing background. I've been writing, both long and short stories, poetry, you name it, since elementary school. I've always been an avid reader and writer. Most everyone, friends and family-wise, have been very supportive of my little hobby. When I was, oh, 14 or so, I decided I was going to write a book. I had met my best friend (the one I've been talking about) on a role-playing site and we had been writing back and forth for a while, and I wanted to turn that story into a readable, cohesive, book. She was totally into the idea and we got started. I can't tell you how excited I was. I worked on that thing day and night, printing pieces out, physically cutting and pasting sections so it read better, and then retyping it into the computer and sending it to her for verification. At that time, I had developed my self-esteem and self-worth through my writing. And as anyone can attest, a teenagers self esteem is a very fragile thing. While out to lunch with a mutual friend of mine and Chris's (my hubby, before he was even a boyfriend), I was asked how my project was going by this friend. That was all it took to get me to gush out how well it was going and how fantastic it was going to be and how excited I was, all that. This friends next sentence literally destroyed my writing confidence, and with it, a good portion of my self esteem. "Don't bother. You'll never get anyone to publish it. Talented writers wait years to get an agent to get their works published, and they're better than you are." Awesome friend, right? After that, I stopped writing all together. For years. Until Jacquelynn, the best friend, convinced me to start writing again on our own roleplaying site.
Slowly I worked my way back into writing, and I steadily gained confidence back, but never what I had before. I always had that crappy little doubtful sentence in the back of my head. For a while, I focused just on other roleplay stories and little things like that, but nothing big, like making a book out of our first roleplay. And for a long time, I got rid of that stupid little voice telling me I couldn't do it. And when I was dragged into doing NaNoWriMo for the first time, I thought I had gotten rid of that voice for good. Here I was, writing 50,000 words in a single month, with no inner editor to fuck it up. And what came out of that month, was awesome. Rough, but I loved it. It was mine, and it felt like I could make something out of it. I started shaping it up more and more, slowly building the word count higher and higher and higher. And that's when I sent out copies to my beta readers and things started going downhill.
As odd as it seems, especially to me, reading all of Jacquelynn's critiques actually made me more excited to start working on it again. Even after how much it's fallen and lost. We decided to work on it a chunk at a time (10% at a time, by kindle measurements), which makes it much more bearable. I had planned on printing out that ten percent, and since my mother in law is taking Felicity tomorrow afternoon, I thought I would take over that physical copy, a pair of scissors, some tape, and a couple highlighters, over to the theater. Yes, the theater. It's one of my favorite places to be, and if a show or rehearsal isn't going on, one of the quietest places you can go.
Sounds like a good plan right? Well guess what I rediscovered this morning? My printer doesn't work! With all of my pregnancy hormones playing ping pong in my head, I just wanted to cry. I could go print it out at my moms, but I really hate using her paper and ink, since it's so spendy now a days. I could also just try and do it all on my laptop and save the paper and ink, but honestly, I work so much better if I can physically write my edits. I don't know how many others are like that, but it's what I prefer! So now I'm stuck between just doing it, and giving in to that awful little voice in my head that I want so badly to mutilate and set fire to.
Aaaand I just realized how much of a ramble that was to tell you I have nothing to tell you. Ha! Suckers! >. > Yeah…
I had 4 beta readers who helped me get feedback so I could do all the editing I did. But the more I edited, based solely on what these readers thought, the more I ended up cutting, and the more skeletal the book looked. After the last edit I did, I looked down at my word count and realized I had cut almost 15 thousand words without adding a single one. I realized that I was no longer writing for myself and my characters. I was writing to please somebody else.
And that's when I knew I wasn't going to get my book out by thanksgiving. Which was my original plan. Now, being a perfectionist, and always having a plan and being rather inflexible, this really messed with my head. I got overwhelmed at how much I needed to put back into my world and how much life I needed to breathe back into my characters. I just looked at my pitiful story and cried.
So I called in my best friend and favorite genius. I asked her if she'd be willing to help me edit and go through the book and figure out why it was so messed up. It's always been difficult for me to edit my own stuff, because to me, it all makes perfect sense. I know the story, I know the plot twists, I know my characters, and I know the minute details. But, unfortunately, no one else does. So it's always hard trying to relay exactly what I mean, without giving away too much, and without sounding overly concerned with details. (I am often prone to over detailing the landscape, because descriptive things like that are some of my favorite things to write.)
So I sent her my poor, pitiful, emaciated story and she stuck it on her kindle and started making notes. One of the reasons I love asking her for advice is because, even though I'm her friend, she is always brutally honest. And that is what I needed right now, even though I physically flinched at some of the critiques. I know it's not a smack at me or my writing ability, but she is trying to help me make this the best it can be. And really, I think that's the only reason why I haven't scrapped the whole project.
Some of you may not know of one particular piece of my writing background. I've been writing, both long and short stories, poetry, you name it, since elementary school. I've always been an avid reader and writer. Most everyone, friends and family-wise, have been very supportive of my little hobby. When I was, oh, 14 or so, I decided I was going to write a book. I had met my best friend (the one I've been talking about) on a role-playing site and we had been writing back and forth for a while, and I wanted to turn that story into a readable, cohesive, book. She was totally into the idea and we got started. I can't tell you how excited I was. I worked on that thing day and night, printing pieces out, physically cutting and pasting sections so it read better, and then retyping it into the computer and sending it to her for verification. At that time, I had developed my self-esteem and self-worth through my writing. And as anyone can attest, a teenagers self esteem is a very fragile thing. While out to lunch with a mutual friend of mine and Chris's (my hubby, before he was even a boyfriend), I was asked how my project was going by this friend. That was all it took to get me to gush out how well it was going and how fantastic it was going to be and how excited I was, all that. This friends next sentence literally destroyed my writing confidence, and with it, a good portion of my self esteem. "Don't bother. You'll never get anyone to publish it. Talented writers wait years to get an agent to get their works published, and they're better than you are." Awesome friend, right? After that, I stopped writing all together. For years. Until Jacquelynn, the best friend, convinced me to start writing again on our own roleplaying site.
Slowly I worked my way back into writing, and I steadily gained confidence back, but never what I had before. I always had that crappy little doubtful sentence in the back of my head. For a while, I focused just on other roleplay stories and little things like that, but nothing big, like making a book out of our first roleplay. And for a long time, I got rid of that stupid little voice telling me I couldn't do it. And when I was dragged into doing NaNoWriMo for the first time, I thought I had gotten rid of that voice for good. Here I was, writing 50,000 words in a single month, with no inner editor to fuck it up. And what came out of that month, was awesome. Rough, but I loved it. It was mine, and it felt like I could make something out of it. I started shaping it up more and more, slowly building the word count higher and higher and higher. And that's when I sent out copies to my beta readers and things started going downhill.
As odd as it seems, especially to me, reading all of Jacquelynn's critiques actually made me more excited to start working on it again. Even after how much it's fallen and lost. We decided to work on it a chunk at a time (10% at a time, by kindle measurements), which makes it much more bearable. I had planned on printing out that ten percent, and since my mother in law is taking Felicity tomorrow afternoon, I thought I would take over that physical copy, a pair of scissors, some tape, and a couple highlighters, over to the theater. Yes, the theater. It's one of my favorite places to be, and if a show or rehearsal isn't going on, one of the quietest places you can go.
Sounds like a good plan right? Well guess what I rediscovered this morning? My printer doesn't work! With all of my pregnancy hormones playing ping pong in my head, I just wanted to cry. I could go print it out at my moms, but I really hate using her paper and ink, since it's so spendy now a days. I could also just try and do it all on my laptop and save the paper and ink, but honestly, I work so much better if I can physically write my edits. I don't know how many others are like that, but it's what I prefer! So now I'm stuck between just doing it, and giving in to that awful little voice in my head that I want so badly to mutilate and set fire to.
Aaaand I just realized how much of a ramble that was to tell you I have nothing to tell you. Ha! Suckers! >. > Yeah…
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